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thoughts #250

2012-02-03T06:53:00.000-08:00

gue ga nyalahin Tuhan untuk menciptakan perbedaan dan menyebabkan semua perpecahan dan masalah yang ada.
gue nyalahin ego lo semua yang terlalu cetek untuk mikir lo hidup untuk diri lo dan kelompok lo sendiri doang di dunia ini!

2012-02-03T06:41:00.000-08:00

well, hi.
where to start? astaga its been a long longgg perhaps longest pause since im blogging huh?
i dont know. mungkin some of you, yang tau gue dari awal blog ini- dan update terbaru dari gue bahwa gue, ehem berpacar sekarang, (yeah gue sendiri masih aneh dengan gelar baru gue ini. aneh bener. aneh tapi seneng.) akan menyalahkan gue yang keasikan pacaran dan jadi males blogging.

no, not at all.
bahkan gue juga bingung. gue bukan hanya males nulis gue males kuliah, gue males berkarya, gue jadi jarang komunikasi sama temen2 gue, and worst of all, itu bukan dipicu karena gue sibuk sm doi. bahkan gue dan doi cuma punya jatah 2-3 kali seminggu untuk ketemu karena kesibukan masing2.

hufft.

entah, mungkin ini puber kedua gue. dimana gue sempet merasa ga tau apa yang gue mau, kemudian dapet pencerahan, kemudian gue bingung lagi. ini dia. gue bingung lagi.
rasanya semua makin menghimpit gue.
rasanya gue kayak berada dalam ruangg yang seolah makin kecil.
terhimpit.. waktu.

there was a time, when all of sudden, ga ada angin ga ada badai, lagi nonton tv, tiba-tiba bokap gue nanya ke gue.

"kamu bisa ga entar cari duit buat papa mama kalo papa udah pensiun."

anjinggg! gue kayak ditampar buldoser saat itu juga. and all of sudden, im turning 20 this year,
im gonna have two-heads this year.
20 tahun...... dan gue masih cengangas cengenges sama hidup gue..
kamar gue masih berantakaan
kuliah gue masih dibayarin
kerjaan gue masih ga jelas arahnya.
and to be real honeesst, gue bahkan ga tau mau dibawa kemana arah postingan ini.

yes, i am that irresponsible, and mess up.

balik lagi ke buldoser yang nampar gue, gue diem terus bilang "bisa lah."
i dont know. its my habit, mengiyakan semua yang ditanya ke gue. masalah bisa atau ngga, gue yakin bisa. udah pointnya itu aja. gue yakin bisa. dan ga mau tau harus bisa gimana caranya.

men, i got so much things to say. so much things load in my mind ready to explode.
but most of all, let me stop the time.

gue perlu menikmati benar kehidupan gue.

thoughts #249

2012-01-06T03:56:00.000-08:00

Tuhan tidak pernah menganugerahkan cinta yang tak pernah bersatu. Manusia yang menciptakannya. perbedaan.

#akibathujan

2012-01-05T04:49:00.000-08:00

today i came at one point in my life.
i have nothing but you guys.
seriously, mau saldo rekening gue di bank berratus2 juta, kalo ga ada kalian, ga ada gunanya. i have no one to spent with. to laugh with. to be stupid with. to cry with.

jadi intinya, harta gue ya lo semua. ya kalian. jadi jangan heran dan mikir saya menye2 kalo saya suka ngerengek minta ketemu. itu artinya saya masih nganggep kalian *yaiyalah apa si lu Ga*

so, it makes me think, the most precious thing in this world if you could wake up and found the one you love next to you.

2012-01-03T03:53:00.000-08:00

this might be weird
but i'm always wondering
by how will you torn me someday. since you're not an asshole. you're such a sweet boy next door.
and you are not a gay (bcs according to you, there are only two kind boys in the world, gays and assholes - and you're none both of them)
but i know.. you will.

bcs i'm always be the one who loves too much.

Jesus, i love you, and Buddha too. how is that?

2012-01-03T01:32:00.001-08:00

Oh Jesus i love you and i love Buddha too
Ramakrishna, Guru Dev
Tao Te Ching and Mohammed
Why do people say
that there is just one way one to love you
God i come to you
we are all apart of you
is the universe your thought
you are and you are not
you are all and you are non
every end or just begun
Alright x3
I love you and Buddha too

HAPPY NEW FEAR, PPL!

2012-01-01T06:21:00.000-08:00

duh gamau bikin resolusi muluk2.
2012 ya 2012. it's just abt time, kenapa harus bikin resolusi tiap tahun padahal resolusi yang lama ga kelar2.
bikin aja resolusi baru tiap resolusi yang lama selesai.

karena resolusi yang lama udah kelar, saya bikin yang baru. punya mobil. ato pindah kampus. ato nemu tebengan. ato pindah kota (kalo bisa negara). ato.. berharap lebih kuat lagi. GUE CAPEK WOY. dan plis plis, majlah ato radio. pameran atao buku. satuuu aja, Ga.

this is beyond perfect

2012-01-01T06:16:00.000-08:00

planning a dinner.
then you got sick and i got cramps bcs of my period.
but we have each other. side by side.
just two of us, watching an hour non stop fireworks from the 37th floor's balcony.
this is how lame we spent new year's eve but i still love it more than having a big party without you. hehe.
sorry im just this cheesy.

2012-01-01T05:01:00.000-08:00

gue merasa ga adil sama orang tua yang ngelarang anaknya pacaran sama yang beda agama.

hai para orang tua, emangnya pacar anak lo minta dilahirin sebagai agama x atau z? ngga kan? it's like you're blaming squirrel for stealing a nuts.
dan apakah menajdi penganut z/x itu, anak lo jadi ikutan meninggalkan tuhan-nya? kalo iya, in my humble opinion, itu salah anak lo yang emang goyah keimannya. dari awal emang udah goyah dasarnya.

lagian, agama apapun itu, yang harus dijunjung tetep etika sih. itu juga toh dasar semua agama kan?

"hold on, ma.."

2011-12-29T06:03:00.000-08:00

everybody is so lonely.
i can see a shade of loneliness in their eyes.
however many friends they have, family they got, they feel lonely in the night.

thoughts #248

2011-12-29T05:18:00.001-08:00

lets last in lust.

thoughts #247

2011-12-29T05:16:00.001-08:00

oh let me sink in this guilty-pleasure. i am such a jerk.

thoughts #246

2011-12-27T03:09:00.000-08:00

laziest thing to do is packing? then dont go anywhere! stay at home. and dont whine abt it! at least be more thankful you still do packing to go somewhere while some ppl out there is stuck where they are and dreaming to go outside.

thoughts #245

2011-12-25T09:14:00.000-08:00

"There is only one emotion. That emotion is Love, expressed in a thousand different ways."
Walsch

recent issues : trust

2011-12-25T09:09:00.000-08:00

i got problem with trusting, and to be trusted lately.
well, long time no post huh?

percaya. kepercayaan. kepada siapa kita akan menaruh kepercayan kita? dan apakah timbal balik kita yakin kita ga akan kecewa?

couple days ago, saya menemani orang marketing dari kampous saya untuk merepresentasikan kampus saya kepada adik2 unyu di SMA saya dulu.
tugas saya ya cuma nemenin di kakak marketing itu ngomong sambil ngeyakinin orang tua murid untuk mempercayakan anaknya ke kampus saya itu.saya sebagai bukti nyata (bahwa ada orang yang mampuu) yang berasal dari SMA itu dan skg kuliah disana.

i was like " noo, noo dont drag your kid to hell~~~" ahahah bukannya apa, sebagai tempat edukasi kampus saya cukup bermutu.
tapi saya ga pengen ada marga marga lainnya yang kecapean dan ngabisin seperempat harinya di jalan doang buat nuntut ilmu. kasian :( i dont think any kid would hold on.
tapi karena itu sudah jadi tugas saya, saya yah cuma senyam senyum aja pas disuruh komentar tentang gimana kampus saya. "seneng? seneng..." "deket? uu gampangg cuma naik buswayy" pret. kering dijalan iya lo.
dan saya ga tahan ketika kaka marketing itu kerap kali menjanjikan lapangan pekerjaan dan masa depan yang seakan cerah menanti kami sekeluar kami lulus.
like hello? do you really can keep what you just said? a bright future? a promising job? lie after us?? really?!
setelah kuliah er, setahun lebih. saya ragu sama itu. bukan.. bukan sama diri saya sendiri. tapi sama apa yang mereka janjikan.
semua balik lagi ke personal masing2. mas depan di tangan lo. bukan di omongan kakak2 marketing yang bahkan gatau gimana kondisi internal kampus yang dia jual.

moral of story? dont go to university while you dont know where to go. find job if you already know what you want.

itu.. soal kepercayaan masa depan.
terus..... dipercaya.
i know i am a good liar. tapi sehebat apapun gue boong, not gonna say akan ketauan *troll face*, tapi gue akan cape juga boong.
kenapa mesti bohong si Ga? karena gue tau mereka ga kan siap dengan kenyataannya. im just gonna hold the truth a little while. just a little longer..

terus.. soal percaya sama perasaan.
i dont know.. (sampe sini gue tau, i might sound ultra galau) this is new to me. i'm trying to believe in such-thing-called-love. i dont know anybody could love a person like me. and i dont know what makes you do. but, just gimme time.

thats all for tonight.

there's a long long path waiting for us to go.

2011-12-11T04:44:00.000-08:00

another roses and you said sorry for not being romantic for this whole month?
are you kidding me?
you, yes you, are the sweteest thing ive ever known.
you may say so much pick up lines and cheesy words for jokes but despite all of them , i can see it from your eyes when you stare at me.
i like it when yourfingers lingers on mine. its like your hands fit mine.
i like it when i look at you, you are already there looking at me, smiling.
i like it when you say everything gonna be ok. even i know its not, i know it will.
i likeit when you make me like the only girl in the world.
i like it when you notice my beauty that might a bit hidden
i like it when you always trying to be there for me.
i likeit when you told me a story that i dont even understand bcs my mind busy looking at your adorable face.
i like it when you hold me.
most of all i like you.
no, i love you. i think i love you. i think i fall harder and harder over you.

i will never be your mother's favorite and your daddy wont even look me in the eyes. but they just afraid something they cant understand.

i might not good at saying pretty things like you do, or doing sweet things like you do, but this is all i got.
i love you this far, my Dani(el Radcliffe). :*

PS: i am not good at keeping things, all i need is you. no flowers next month, deal? ;)

you are my sweetest paradox.

2011-11-28T05:48:00.000-08:00

i can be both happy and sad when i am with you.
happy to be with you. sad to know it will end someday. :):

lets runaway to Paris. where all the in love couple should be.

every sides has 2 stories. c'est la vie.

2011-11-25T06:23:00.000-08:00

now i am starting to hesitate abt whats right and whats wrong in this actual life.
take an example you did something wrong, legally. like taking someone's wallet just bcs you dont know what to do and you're too hungry to think and you have a family to be feed.
then you got arrested by police.

you feel sorry and regret.
but then again, is that a punishment from god? i dont think god, that i know, that cruel.

then, you're trying to legally follow all the rules in order to let yourself out.
but then again, the police, who should be taken care of your case, instead do all the procedure quickly so everybody happy, they make it harder with fckin red tape thingy and in the end, money talks.

so, who's cruel now? who's bad now?

2011-11-22T03:31:00.000-08:00

serius, belum niat nulis. its been a long long time i dont write.

but the highlight is, i cant believe 11.11.11 would be my day.
i know i am something, we meant something.
i want you, i chose you, i get you, then im gonna fight for us.

thoughts #244

2011-10-28T06:05:00.000-07:00

i love it when i got a simple "morning" message when i woke up. it simple means, you are the first thing in their mind when they woke up in the morning. i know i am so naive.

the feeling strikes back

2011-10-28T05:54:00.000-07:00

the feeling strikes back.
i wanna have a fight over something with you.
arguing small things.
getting sad and mad each other
then come back missing you so much.
bcs sometimes, fighting isnt always bad.
it means we have something to fight for. to be hold.

the feeling strikes back.
i wanna hug you tight.
well i should've hug you right there.
i wanna feel safe and sound around you.
sharing silence. watching tv and dont get excited.
but it's okay, bcs im with you.

the feeling strikes back.
i wanna kiss you while in the middle of crossing bridge where nobody crosses it
bcs to lazy to hike the stairs
i wanna tell you all my stories but too nervous bcs you were so adorable today

the feeling strikes back
everytime you called me "sayang" or "kamu"
it makes my tummy feels weird.
my blood runs faster and my veins could explode anytime soon.

the feeling strikes back
when i look at my friend with her couple.
who shares love to each other and looking so cute.
and feeling graceful bcs they found each other.
then my mind stumbled on you.

the feeling strikes back
when i want you entirely mine.
then i remember, we're nothing and i dont know
are we going somewhere..
or just stay in a place.

untitled.

2011-10-28T05:44:00.001-07:00

i never asked to be born.
then he gave me a chance.
and i waste it beautifully.

thoughts #243

2011-10-28T05:02:00.001-07:00

What takes you so long to find me?

thoughts #242

2011-10-28T05:00:00.001-07:00

I'm not gonna find someone like you. I'm gonna find someone better than you

thoughts #241

2011-10-28T04:59:00.001-07:00

Today I learned, that my dad is old and he can't change the way I want. I'm the one who's gotta accept the way he is.

thoughts #240

2011-10-28T04:58:00.003-07:00

Science is the closest thing we have to magic. That's why it fascinates me.

thoughts #239

2011-10-28T04:58:00.001-07:00

I must be a sugar-free candy.

thoughts #238

2011-10-28T04:57:00.001-07:00

It's better to be the real you and it will be my job to deal with it than, loving the fake one

movie list. (to lazy to put any information)

2011-10-21T22:23:00.000-07:00

Requiem Of the Dream
Bettlejuice
Patch Adams
Dead Poets Society
Gie
Stranger Than Fiction
Mermaid
Jesus and the Mary Chain
I'm not There
Somewhere
And They Lived Hapilly Ever After
Melancholia
Bang Bang Club

im out this year.

2011-10-21T21:19:00.000-07:00

jadi tuh ceritanya hari ini Banten sedang mengadakan pemilihan gubernur gitu.
berhubung saya berdomisili di pinggir2 Tangerang, dan umur saya *ehem* baru 19 thaun, jadi saya punya kesempatan untuk milih siapa gubernur Banten selanjutnya.

temen saya, pengen banget bisa milih tapi ga ada KTP, tapi saya malah ga ada antusiasmenya.
kenapa?

bukan karena saya apatis dan ignorant sama masa depan kota saya.
saya juga pengen masa depan Banten berpengaruh dari tangan saya.

tapi saya lebih memilih diam daripada ikut2an doang. saya ga mau asal2an milih padahal saya ga punya informasi apa2 soal calon2 gubernur saya itu.
ngapain kalo asal milih? apa bedanya saya sama temen saya yang pengen milih cuma biar ujung jari kelingkingnya item...
apa bedanya saya sama bocah 10 tahun yang ikut-ikutan bapaknya nyoblos
apa bedanya saya sama mereka yang asal di kasih kaos kampanye plus plus terus langsung menggantungkan masa depan banten berdasarkan jumlah uang yang diberi.
apa bedanya saya sama mereka yang cuma milih berdasarkan seberapa menariknya penampilan calon2 itu.
apa bedanya sama cap cip cup sambil merem pas didalem bilik.

saya itu mahasiswa. terpelajar.
umur saya 19.
saya masih muda. dan saya seharusnya melek politik.
saya merasa ada hak untuk tau begaimana calon2 itu dan hak untuk menilai mereka dari sudut pandang saya.
tapi, berhubung saya emang. ehem, ga merhatiin. maka saya ga punya informasi apa2.
dan dari debat yang saya tonton emarin juga ga memberi saya dorongan untuk menjatuhkan pilihan saya pada 1 calon.
jadi saya ga milih.

terus mau sampe kapan Ga?
sampe.... saya melihat titik terang aja yah.

thoughts #237

2011-10-17T07:47:00.000-07:00

gue capek having "getting-to-know-each-other" part. lo baca blog gue aja ya.
gue capek having "lo-tuh-maunya-apa-sih" part, lo nulis blog aja ya. ntr gue baca.
gue capek having "sms-ga-ya-sms-ga-ya" part, kita langsung jalan aja ya. 3 dates rules to see you're worth it or not.
gue capek "being-the-first-who-finds-topic-to-talk-to" things, gue diem aja ya.
gue capek having "kode-and-all-the-modus" things. just be smart enough to find out by yourself abt my mixed signals.

bad habit dies fckin hard.

2011-10-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

niatnya : tugas hari ini kelar.
pelaksanannya : baru sore buka komputer. donlot tugas. tapi langsung tumblring ini itu dulu.
kenyataanya : sampe sekarang tugas belom disentuh
harapannya : hello kitty tolong selesaikan tugasku malam ini u.u

2011-10-15T05:16:00.001-07:00

the idea is brilliant.. *sobbing*

sayang itu.. bukan alesan.

2011-10-15T05:12:00.000-07:00

terinspirasi dari seorang teman yang sedang bimbang dan ragu, mau potong rambut ekstreme pendek atau yaa cuma asal pendek rapi aja #girlsproblem
saya bilang, potong pendek sekalian aja. pasalnya dia udah memiliki rambut panjang sepinggangnya itu cukup lama dan yaa, bosen lah ya?
saya aja bisa tiap 6 bulan sekali potong rambut. apalagi kalo bosen.
dia bilang iya juga sih, tapi.. sayang.

saya bilang, jangan pernah jadiin sayang sebagai alesan buat ga melakukan sesuatu. jangan sampe rasa sayang itu menahan lo untuk mengeksplore sesuatu. kalo sampe gtu, NAH! itu yang perlu lo sayangkan.

kalo lo sayang, sampe kapanpun ya lo bakal gitu2 aja. ga bakal nyoba dan tau.
dan pikiran ini membawa saya ke.. kuliah. andai kata suatu saat nanti saya beneran pindah kuliah (mumpung muka masih imut2) dan mulai dari nol. dont tell me i am wasting my time, and feel sorry for my wasted time.
semua tuh ada hikmahnya. ga ada yang perlu gue sesalin. gue dapet pengalaman, temen. dan segala macem.

so lets do something different today.

tonight we fall a little bit harder.

2011-10-13T21:37:00.000-07:00

we were about having a chit chat abt my weird friends that you cant tolerate.
then i said, thats my network,you gotta used to it.
you said, then i gotta stay away from you if thats the truth. lol.

damn, i was like...

i realize i was scared enough to lose you, and that makes me realize too that i want you enough to be around me. but
then again,
the conclution goes to, we're already in such a distance.
why worry? we're not real anyway... we're not going anywhere.
then you said, no im kidding. i'll be around.

this is where i fell for you.

then i said, you dont need to always be there for me, you have your own life. :]
"shit, you got me" you said.

that's where he fell for me. either a lil bit harder for me, or outta love. cant decide. :/

do i want you enough? make me sure you worth the risk. make me sure i know you want the same thing too.

thoughts #236

2011-10-13T21:28:00.001-07:00

if you want time, i will surely give you. but promise me one thing. to come back.

eh halo kalian

2011-10-13T21:27:00.000-07:00

lebih suka baca apa liat gambar si?
secara psikologi pasti liat gambar ya?
tapi saya bukan tipial rajin untuk taro gambar di blog, bener deh. repots. bknnya ga mau.
dan tipikal lebih tertarik baca tulisan yang singkat dan straight to the point.

jadi maaf ya kalo kurang berkenan..

if you ask me,

2011-10-09T06:44:00.001-07:00

why i love UK and why i wanna go there, live in there.
well, i cant anawer.
its not that i am not liking/wanting it enough.
its like explaining how the water taste like, and why are you still drinking it everyday. and choosing it over coke while you're thirsty.
you need it.

let me break it down to you,

2011-10-09T06:36:00.000-07:00

based on what i thought previously, i said it, single-and-happy statement is overrated.

1. being single and happy, after you break up. stating that on your status, tweet, putting a smiley on it. doesn't mean you truly mean it. you are in a big denial. you are covering your pain. as if you are so tough and wanting it from long time ago, as if you are so tough.

no, the more you say you are happy, the more i see, you don't. come on people, just be realistic, whats so bad being weak? you wanna cry? cry. you wanna curse bcs your relationship that you've been fighting didn't work? curse. you wanna slap the bitch who still your man, slap something else (keep it classy, girls).

i mean like, being tough, isn't about you confirm that you are single and happy, after you break up. no, its more about how willing you let him go. like, after a few weeks, are you still gonna cry in the middle of the night and missing him? like, will you still be stalking his fb and his new lover? will you be moving on? you are single, and not happy. for a while.

but dont let yourself drown in your sadness. you can be sad, but you need to step it back then. dont be too long, bcs you will miss so many opportunities that might come after you are single.

2. you are single. not breaking up, just single. and stating you are happy. well, bullshit. from we were kids, we are told, and taught that we, human, are social beings. where we need each other to communicate. and on communiction, i learn "teori kubutuhan hubungan" where it says,

Inti dari teori ini adalah asumsi bahwa fungsi komunikasi interpersonal untuk membuat, membina, dan mengubah hubungan dan bahwa hubungan pada gilirannya akan mempengaruhi sifat komunikasi interpersonal proses interaksi menciptakan struktur dalam sistem. Bagaimana orang merespon satu sama lain menentukan jenis hubungan
yang mereka miliki.

and McClelland's Theory of Needs

Affiliation Those with a high need for affiliation (nAff) need harmonious relationships with other people and need to feel accepted by other people. They tend to conform to the norms of their work group. High nAff individuals prefer work that provides significant personal interaction. They perform well in customer service and client interaction situations.

i guess it proves, we cant deny it, you know what i mean. friends is not enough, will never enough. as long there is invisible substance called love. we always longing for someone to love and being loved.

so, stop saying "i am single and very happy" i am sick of your bullshit.

thoughts #235

2011-10-09T04:02:00.001-07:00

"single and happy" is a big denial and the most common lie i've ever heard. esp after you break up. thanks.

i announce, commercial of the month.

2011-10-09T03:15:00.000-07:00

E. Producer : Rolaand Tan | Production House: Plush Pictures Indonesia | Producer : Era Rahman
Agency : Leo Burnett Kreasindo
Director : Rajay Singh www.thethinktank.tv
DOP : Zoë White

thats what you got when you messed with m.

2011-10-07T18:42:00.001-07:00

Aduh sumpah mungkin ini post plg ga pennting ya. But I'd like to share.

So, idk. I am not type of screaming-girls-bcs-see-a-living-cockroach but I disgust them so much. I have intention to kill em everytime I see one. Like, so so big intention.

Anw, last night when I slept, suddenly I felt something walking on my face. Yes, on my fckin face! Then I just panicked bcs I knew its some kind of bug (but it was too dark to see) so I just grabbed it and threw it away! It was a cocroach. Fckin cockroach. On my face! Fck! So I woke up, and thinking of killing it immadiately. But then it runaway. I missed it. So I got back to sleep and thinking, "that fckin cunt must die tomorrow. Idk how, it gotta die. Maybe turning its own body upside down."
And I fell asleep.

Then this morning, I woke up, suddenly when I randomly check the floor. There is a cockroach (idk the last night cockroach or no) lying upside down.
I was like..... :o what did I do last nightt???!
So here are some possibly scene crime that I made :

1. I killed it in my subconcious. I mean when I asleep I just go find them sunciously
2. The power of mind. Like, when I think abt it, it just "boom!" Die.
3. They (yeah perhaps there r so many of them. Making a group here) think am such a monster and know I will ruin their place and their peace until I killed one, so they decided to sacrifice one of them. Assume, already dead one.
4. The cockroach secretly loves me so much. He used to watch me everynight. Actually he's abt to kiss me(??) Or like just something like that without any intention to wake me up.but then I accidentally woke up and grab him away. He knew I wanna kill him so bad. so he decided to suicide for my own peace. He turn down his body. What a lovestory.
5. Someone has killed it for me. When I was sleeping.
6. It wasn't the real cockroach. It was alien.
7. He knew magic.
8. I am a witch.
9. I have superpower.
10. Let's assume this wholeee thing, was only a dream.

That's all folks. Reported live from my bed. G'morning and have a nice day.

thoughts - 234

2011-10-07T10:22:00.001-07:00

There's no term such "I think too much" I guess. Well why do you set any boundaries? Then what's the limit anyway? To claim that we're thinking too much? And why so bad with thinking too much? At least its a prove our brain isn't dead.

so dont give up.

2011-10-07T04:59:00.000-07:00

call me stuck up, but i think i quite know how universe works.

first, he makes things seems working out for us.
then suddenly, like lightning struck, so does problems.
all went wrong when everything is almost wrap.
then, this is the real challenge. where we could solve it, or we would just give it up.
if we could, then we would got something 3 times bigger than we should get.
if we give up, well, boo you. you will get nothing but regret, lessons, and another chance in any other possible way coming up. (until we screwed it up again)
then, i gotta tell you, he's not gonna give us the problem that bigger than our power. he already plan it. it;s our job just to find it out how to solve it. in other way, there's a big big thing await for us.
the harder we try, the bigger we deserve.

thats how universe roll. cmiiw

just so you know..

2011-10-07T04:23:00.000-07:00

the only person (and thing) i open up and give all my affection to are, my silent brother and Napoleon.
not even you, my blog.
i love em so so much. they"re my persons. my number one. idk why i'd like to share it here..

no judging here..

2011-10-07T04:08:00.000-07:00

oh gitu nam? kmu tau ga si ak luka2 tangannya, jd kya org ngobat gt, dia scary abis klo uda gigit2, trus esnya kasihnya in a bowl apa kasih gtu aja? - taken from someone's comment on her photo

no offense, but this sounds funny to me. like, why the heck with you guys these days? ngomongnya dicampur2 gitu. bilingual. yaa kalo kayak sekalimat sekalimat si gpp ya. tp ini per kata? seriously? like you forgot whats it called in bahasa? SERIOUSLY?! IN A BOWL? MANGKOK?

hahahahha no offense... i mean like, THIS IS FUNNY. not cool.

thoughts #233

2011-10-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

aku tak butuh tempat berhiaskan lilin temaram dan beralaskan karpet India hanya utk bertemu.
aku tak butuh kendaraan panjang terparkir di luar rumah menjemputku.
aku tak butuh kain termahal untuk membalutmu
aku cuma butuh waktumu. aku cuma ingin tahu, kalau kamu inginkanku.
bahwa kamu sungguh ingin bertemu denganku.
bukan ingin semu. bukan keninginan yang hanya datang lalu pergi bersama angin malam hari.
tapi keinginan yang selalu kau pikirkan dan kau perjuangkan.

bahwa kamu, seingin aku, untuk melihat matamu. bertemu mataku.
membiarkan mereka berbincang. dalam tatapan dan keheningan.
membiarkan mereka melepas rindu, yang hinggap dan membasahi mereka dikala gelap.
berbagi cerita, dari apa yang mereka lihat.

bahwa kamu, inginkan aku. menyatu dalam waktu.

tribute to : westlife.

2011-10-05T07:03:00.000-07:00

malam ini, ketika ratusan (bahkan ribuan?) orang sedang berkaraoke live dengan ke empat lelaki Irlandia ini, melantunkan tembang nostalgia yang sempat kita elu-elu kan belasan tahun silam..

disini pula saya, menuliskan tulisan ini.

westlife. duh, kalo ga sempet punya posternya atau kasetnya atau punya sekumpulan lagunya di hape atau kompi, ketauan bukan anak 90an sejati.

boyband yang asalnya terdiri dari 5 orang ini, sempat menjadi favorit saya. bahkan anda?
dulu saya inget banget, saya cuma suka westlife. westlife doang titik! ga mau backstreet boy, ga mau A1, ga mau blue, apapun. cuma merekaa! karena emang dasarnya saya dulu itu buta musik, dikasih lagu mereka yang easy listening dan populer, saya langsung suka.
udah gitu personelnya ganteng lagi kan.. (GO BRYAN GO MARK)

sempet dulu ikut ekskul tari, dan ngedance pake lagu uptown girl. terus iriii banget sama temen yang hafal liriknya. padahal kan bahasa inggris :O rasanya teman saya itu jago banget waktu itu.

jadi kalo saya ikut nyanyi ya paling cuma "uptown girl... she's nananananannana " lalu fading dan akan kembali keras pas reff. hahaha

terus, bela2in beli kaset mereka yang unbreakbale di pasar. HAHA.
entah kenapa pasar.. tp sumpah, asli kok. mahal soalnya hahahaha
terus dengerin di walkman.

aduh kangen banget masa ituu.
dan sekarang ketika saya sudah (akan) menginjak kepala 2. mereka kembali datang kemari.
kalo untuk ukuran jaman sekarang, siapa ya yang suka boyband menye macem mereka. yah udah bukan jamannya lagi lah istilahnya.

tapi buktinya, tiketnya laku aja tuh.
orang-orang begitu kangen sama mereka. even lagu mereka cheesy, but we miss the old time.
nonton mereka seperti kembali menghidupka masa yang telah mati. masa ketika PR saya cuma hitungan 1 + 1. ketika kita begitu benci tidur siang, (sekarang, bisa tidur siang adalah anugrah) ketika uang jajan 500 sehari udah lebih dari cukup. ketika kita ga kenal kata galau.....
when everything was alright.

masa itu lah yang ingin kita kembalikan. yang kita bela2in kenapa mau nonton mereka. they are part of my childhood.
intinya.. kangen. :')

since you were born, crying is a sign that you're alive.

2011-10-02T19:47:00.001-07:00

Tiap orang punya kadar tangis beda2. Maksud saya, standart dimana kapan dan bagaimana mereka akan nangis.
Ada yang disuguhi scene drama dikit aja udah mewek, ada yang kalo ditampar baru nangis, ada yang menangisi hal kecil dan bahkan ada yang terlalu gengsi untuk menangis di depan khalayak.

Saya tahu seseorang yang saya kenal kuat, acuh tak acuh, dan ceria kesehariannya.

Sampai kemarin malam dia menitikkkan air mata di depan kami.
Perkaranya mungkin bagi orang lain itu sepele. If I tell you what's the matter, you might be laugh.
Like why the hell you cry on stuff like this. You don't have to worry it.

She cried on her hopeless (that's what she thought) lovestory.

Tapi, sekali lagi, saya pisces (baca: sensitif) banget soal beginian. Kalo anda bilang itu sepele dan ga patut ditangisin. Yaa, jangan salahkan saya kalau saya bilang anda egois.
Coba lihat dari kacamatanya. Bukan anda.

Setiap orang punya batas ketegaran dan kesabarannya masing2. Dan bagi dia, mungkin masalah sepele ini sudah melampaui batas kuatnya.

Dan dia yang biasa kuat sampai bisa menangisi hal seperti ini, it simply means, it does weary her.

Jadi, selamat menangis tanpa pikir panjang. Gada ukuran seberapa besar masalah patut ditangisi. If you feel like to, cry it a river.

its suckks

2011-09-29T06:21:00.000-07:00

stop for a while, think about my undone targets so far.
then i think, where were i went? what have i done? why haven't i do it yet?

hike a mountain.
go to boscha.
make art.
buy this and that.

who am i slaving for after all this time?

#romantis itu part 2

2011-09-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

ketika dia berhenti sejenak saat bermain game, atau menonton bola, hanya untuk membalas pesan singkat kamu.padahal dia itu maniak bola/game..
ketika dia mengenalkan kamu ke teman2nya sambil mengucapkan "kenalin, cewe gue.." sambil tersenyum bangga.
ketika dia tau kapan harus diam saat kamu kesal dan bertanya saat kamu sedih. sekedar bertanya..
ketika dia.. menatap kamu saat kamu berbicara. hanya menatap dan tersenyum. mendengarkan.

thoughts #232

2011-09-23T07:30:00.000-07:00

hidup itu.. adl bagaimana lo mencentangi daftar impian lo.

HAPP

2011-09-23T07:11:00.000-07:00

kemarin tuh ya, harusnya kelas jam set 2. sampe jam 5. sore.
trus taunya ada KP dari jam set 8 PAGI.
okeh brangkat.
jatah KP cm 2 sks padahal bolongnya 4 sks.
okeh, jadi jam SEMBILAN PAGI udah kelar tuh KP.

sisa 5 JAM LEBIH. sampe kelas berikutnya set 2 nanti.
okeh, pulang ga mungkin, udah 3 jam sendiri.
yaudah.. jalan2 bersosialisasi.

karokean sampe jam 1. buru2 ke kampus lagi biar ga telat. dosennya penting.
nyampe kelas...... taunya dosennya ga ada.

mau nelen pedang dan api trus disemburin balik ke tuh dosen trus lo telen tuh dosen panggang lagi ga si rasanya?

thoughts #231

2011-09-18T08:11:00.002-07:00

Betapa gampangnya pemain sinetron cinlok sm lawan mainnya menunjukkan seberapa profesionalnya mrk. #justsaying

thoughts #230

2011-09-18T08:11:00.000-07:00

Logikanya, orang yg suka math dan cabang science lainnya itu insecure. Maka mrk memilih ilmu pasti, yang udh predictable.
Dan biasanya, mrk yang suka art punya jiwa adventurer. Karena mrk dinamis, dan cenderung cepat bosan.
Tapi gue ga bilang org art itu ga insecure. They're insecure as fck. That's why they choose art to let it out.

thoughts #229

2011-09-18T08:10:00.001-07:00

Life is easy. Living is another story.

thoughts #228

2011-09-18T08:09:00.001-07:00

My only rule when you wanna break the rule : don't trouble the others.

thoughts #227

2011-09-18T08:08:00.001-07:00

asdfghjkl - aplikasi bentuk chaos theory. ya ga si?

blargh.

2011-09-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

sometimes i am sick people think themselves as unique.

i dont know.. i dont think i'm unique either.
i think i am just ordinary human with extraordinary people around me.

if people think they're unique, then unique is no longer unique anymore.
how's unique when everyone is unique?
whats the different?

if you think you're unique, let people judge you. and tell you, that you are.
how come you think you're unique if you still breathe the same air with others do.
eating the same rice with others do.
buy clothes where others do, rather than make your own clothes.
doing what others do.
going where others go.

we might be the same, but we could, at least, stand out. in our own way.
and thats our problem to find out how.

bendera kuning.

2011-09-18T07:48:00.000-07:00

ketika, mata bertemu. dengan sorot yang sudah lama diidamkan.
dengan sinar yang tak pernah redup dalam ingatan
dan dengan bayangan yang akan selalu mengingatkan.

ketika semesta bersabda, sudah saatnya.

ketika itu juga, hati kembali merindu.
membakar rasa.
yang semula pernah padam. atau sekiranya..

tapi, apabila hanya dengan dikibarkannya bendera kuning, baru bisa bersua.
dengan begitu senja rela tak memeluk laut.

back to me. and my dull life.

2011-09-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

iihhh blog apaan sih nih.. sepi bangettt. fuh fuhh *niup niupin debu*
maaf ya.. *minta maaf sama siapa juga. kayak banyak yang baca*

so what did you miss...

thisya ultah. entah kenapa setiap afre ultah selalu ada ritual ga tertulis kalo bakal ada surprise yang lama2 makin jadi ga surprise. tapi bukannya bermaksud garing, but we just love each other so much not to miss the surprises part. but, yang bikin gue kadang2 kecewa adlaah kurangnya inisiatif masing2 afre. karena entah kenapa gue selalu ngerasa gue (smaa vina lah) mulu yang ngurus dan berniatan. giliran kmrn gue kuliah, tiba2 kelimpungan. padahal kita ber9. kecewa. dan yang bikin lebih kecewa adalah ketika, semua orang kayaknya berubah. yang tadinya ber9 jadi............ udahlah ya :)
setelah 3 bulan membabi di rumah akhirnya gue masuk. satu hal yang gue notice perbedaan libur 3 bulan dari mau kuliah (dari SMA ke kuliah) sama pergantian semester sekarang, ketika dlu gue semangat banget dan bosen ampun-ampunan pengen cepet2 kuliah. setelah gue kuliah, ga ada sedikitpun rasa ingin kuliah. sebegitu parahnyakah kampus gue sampe gue ga pgn kuliah? makanya, gue cuma minta semangat di september ini.
terus...... beberapa hari lalu gue dikejutkan dengan berita duka om gue. dan kemudian disusul nyokapnya Aldo dipanggil Tuhan beberap hari lalu. ya Tuhan gtau deh gue mesti ngomong apa. paling males sama berita beginian. yang jelas semoga keluarga yang ditinggalkan dikuatkan dan diberi keiklhasan. karena emang ga ada yang abadi kan. semua balik lagi ke sang pencipta. gue selalu mikir ketika seseorang yang lo cintai di panggil Tuhan, anggaplah Tuhan terlalu egois dan lebih mencintai dia daripada lo, dan memutuskan untuk mengambilnya untuk bersamaNya. :(
Abigail is officially tattooed. dan gue cukup senang ketika dia memepercayakan akoh untuk menemaninyaa. :3 nanti ya gilirankuu.. (buka buka kamus)
terus.... entah kenapa makin kesini, love is around me like literally in the air but it seems i am the only one who's not breathing it. so am gonna die, choking bcs running out of air. love. whatever. isnt it my turn to be loved? #thesaddestsentencefromme

how you gonna live you life?

2011-09-18T07:04:00.000-07:00

people keep telling us that life is only once so live your life to the fullest.

but whats fullest? how is fullest like?
i mean... if people realize that life is only once, then, why the heck they still do the same routines like dead robot?
i mean, i dont see where's the fullest part they living in.

i keep see so damn many people who grew up, going to school, get a job, married, sick and die.

...

i dont see everybody do whatever they want. dont care bout money. smoking pot everyday. jump from the bridge just bcs they feelin it, dance in the street.
doing sky diving, travel around the world.

being out of our comfort zone.

so you still want to tell me, live my life to the fullest?
if you really want me to live to the fullest, i'd travel to north and you will never see me as in me now.

bcs, we are greedy bitch. we will never live our life to the fullest, bcs we will always want some more.
we are only human.
the only key to live our life to the fullest rather than spending our money.
is, being grateful to the fullest with what we have now. and make it double to the next level.

this is my confession, pals.

2011-09-09T11:44:00.001-07:00

I have tendency to keep all the ppl I love around me. I am possesive, indeed. I'm selfish bitch. I get jealous. I am scared knowing they can leave me sooner or later.
I don't wanna be attached, but I can't avoid it.
I don't wanna be alone at last.
I'm afraid they will forget me someday, knowing they wouldn't but they change.

So I guess its just me and my fckd up feelings now.

thoughts #226

2011-08-27T06:25:00.001-07:00

i am bad at keeping stuff. i dont know about keeping you.

universe kinds of slapping me. sweet.

2011-08-26T07:17:00.000-07:00

akhir2 ini saya kembali membulatkan tekad saya yang sempat sudah hilang. yaitu ; going abroad.
to be honest, sampai sekarang saya belum melaksanakan apa2 untuk mendekati tujuan itu. like i said, i just have the destination but not knowing how to get there.

taunya mauuu aja. sampai tadi malem, saya menemukan secercah kecil harapan. yang memungkinkan saya kesana. and that was it. gue. mesti. nyoba.

at least i tried! do you remeber that the door wont be opened for those who didnt knock?
dan tekad itu semakin membara ketika hari ini gue ngelihat foto album teman gue yang udah nyampe di Paris buat sekolah beberapa hari lalu. ARGHH...

mau banget :/

so thats it. the funny thing is, gue baru tau ada fitur facebook baru yang menyediakan er, apa ya, menunjukan? status kita di hari yang sama, tahun2 lalu.
dan lo mau tau apa status gue hari ini, di tahun 2009?

click the image for bigger image.

DANG!! gue berasa digampar men. anjir kenapa bisa pas gini? dihari yang sama, gue menginginkan hal yang sama. dan di hari yang sama, universe slaps me hard on my face. he's like saying

"liat Ga. lo liat itu tahun berapa? 2009!! fckin 2009!! dan sekarang pertengahan 2011!! dan lo belom kemana manaa?! cupu lo! sampe kapan lo mau nunggu? if you're gonna sit there in from of computer and wishing something happens. i tell you, it wont. GO FCKIN OUTSIDE. DO FREAKIN SOMETHING."

so here i am, fighting for my future. to see the other side of the world. WISH ME LUCK.

:(

2011-08-24T06:44:00.000-07:00

someone ask me bout my high school life.

i dont what to say, if you ask me how is my high school life.

they are the answer.

miss doing retarded things with y'all.

i really miss the old y'all.

the other side of piracy.

2011-08-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

my friend just got back from NY and she brought Miss Daisy from Marc Jacobs. i love Marc Jacobs but it doesnt make me go crazy bout them. besides i dont really often using perfume. but the scent of miss daisy is so lovely i gotta admit.

so instead of buying a real one, (and i guess its quite pricy in here) i am thinking of making one. wait wait, making? do you mean you're gonna making the scent of miss daisy in some kind of lab and mixing all the chemicals by yourself?
no, stup. in Indonesia, we got a lot of talented useless people.

we do it all by ourselves. hahaha
like this, i know there are a lot of place who can hijack this perfume. and also others branded perfume.
i dont have to tell you that they are chemistry master or some kind of professor but, they can do it.

i dont know how the hell. living in crisis and developing countries makes you creative. you gotta be opportunist.

so i know, maybe some of you gotta say this is a bad thing to do. hijacking/copying someone's work. but let see from the other point of view.

but then again, life isnt only about whats good and bad. its about balancing.
(subtitle switch to bahasa)
lo bilang piracy itu kriminal. trus lo mau berhentiin piracy dan bikin orang2 yang hidup dari piracy it jobless?
trus lo mau membiarkan hasil karya lo mandek disini dan eksklusif karena harga yang ga bisa dijangkau semua lapisan masyarakat.

trus lo, puas dengan itu? ga berbagi. terlalu egois. terlalu serakah karena hak lo merasa dirampas. apakah trus lo langsung jatuh miskin hanya karena piracy itu? yuk coba liat pemusik-pemusik di luar sana yang karyanya di bajak dan bisa di download bebas di internet.
gue ga lantas ngerasa bersalah tuh mendownload lagunya secara illegal setelah nonton liputan rumahnya yang bisa nampung warga sekampung.

siapapun lo, dan lo punya karya, dan karya lo dibajak. berbanggalah. artinya karya lo bisa berguna bagi orang lain. artinya karya lo punya nilai jual. dan kalo lo ngerasa it ga adil. hey, believe me. life's fair. what comes around, goes around. semakin lo memberi, semakin lo ga punya apa2, dari situ lo akan dituntutu semakin mencari lagi dan akan punya apa2 lagi nantinya. yang lebih baik. dan begitu seterusnya.
ya kan?

see? yang mau gue tekankan disiin, its about balancing. kalo lo mikir suatu hal itu buruk, think again. think the other side. hidup itu ga cuma punya 1 sisi. dan ga ada yang salah sama berbagi. kalo dengan pembajakan itu gue malah bisa menghidupi beratur-ratus orang. kenapa ngga? toh gue ga akan membawa mati harta gue.

tersesat

2011-08-23T03:46:00.000-07:00

ada 3 jalan.
antara pemberian, keinginan, dan kenyataan.

jalannya remang namun panjang.
panjang namun terang.
remang namun tidak menyenangkan.

ada kebebasan palsu dalam pilihan.

karena 3 jalan itu, mengarah pada akhir yang sama.
sampah.

tapi setidaknya, temani saya jalan, ya?

#17AN

2011-08-17T06:19:00.000-07:00

(up up up!)
*brb nangiss*

beda video clip : MULAN JAMEELA-ABRACADABRA

2011-08-16T05:13:00.000-07:00

gue tau video ini dari salah satu tweet di timeline gue. penasaran kayak apa gue cek sore ini.dan pas liat.. omg. gue gtau mesti mulai dari mana.
jujur, semenit pertama gue bosen. gue terus pause dan liat komen2nya.
banyak pro dan kontra soal VC ini. biasa lah ya.

sebagian besar dari komentarnya setuju kalo ini mirip sama Prince of Persia. yaa.. gimana ya. emang mirip sih. tapi toh gue ga bilang mereka jiplak. klo emang jiplak, ya shame on you.

soal animasi. first of all, gue salut sama mereka. berani bikin VC total animasi. apalgi untuk seorang Mulan Djameela ya yang biasanya VC mengedepankan live action dari si Mulan sbg daya tariknya hehe.yaa its good to be different.
tapi... bukannya sotoy, tapi di mata gue animasinya masih kasar dan kaku bgt. banyak deatil yang missing.
emang mungkin masalah budget ato apalah ya, tapi... GO ANIMASI INDONESIA. still so much things to work there. keep it up.

soal musik... ga jelek ah. gue ga bisa komen byk. ga jelek tapi ga suka jg gue.

soal jalan cerita dan konsep dari VC in.. gue ga dapet. cerita sm lirik lagu, ga nyambung. gue kenapa berasa video buatan amatir yang menggabungkan potongan game dengan lagu yang dipilih asal ya?

overall, VC ini menurut gue masih mentah. jadinya maksa. gue suka idenya menggunakan animasi, mungkin tujuannya baik dan mencoba hal yang baru. tapi, tolong digarap lebih serius dan matang. jadi bikin mingkem mereka semua yang ngatain di youtube. gue ga jago animasi dan gue ga gitu suka VC ini tapi toh ga membuat gue sampe ngatain dan mencaci maki video ini. respect the creator! geez.

if you dont like it, just say it. you dont have to curse on it. it's rude.

agustus ini..

2011-08-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

saya melewatkan kesempatan besar saya, which harusnya bisa dan akan, tapi ga jadi, untuk ke bandung dan menyaksikan hujan meteor Perseus di boscha.

hukum saya. oh, ini udah hukuman ya..

note to self

2011-08-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

so, you gotta back on track.

carry your camera more often.
listen more music
watch more movies
buy more magz
doodle more
write more
GO OUTSIDE.

the top 10 traits out of 90 that uniquely describe ME

2011-08-12T05:04:00.000-07:00

TRY IT HERE

Unflappable

You are not a slave to your emotions. It takes a lot to upset or unnerve you. That's why you're a good person to have around in a crisis.
You don't let it all hang out, which means that those around you often don't know the pressures you're under or what you're going through. You're not the kind of person people run from in a crisis.

Aesthetic

You appreciate art, beauty, and design; you know that they are not superficial but absolutely crucial to living the good life. You have good taste, and you're proud of it. Those with a high score on the "aesthetic" trait are often employed in literary or artistic professions, enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about the arts, reading, and travel.
You don't think it's pretentious to be moved by art and beauty. You're not one of those who believe it doesn't matter what something looks like as long as it does its job.

Original

You are constantly coming up with new ideas. For you, the world as it exists is just a jumping-off place; what's going on inside your mind is often more interesting than what's going on outside.
You don't feel that the road to success is to be a realist and stick to the program; you never stop yourself from coming up with new ideas or telling the world what you're thinking about.

Impulsive

You trust your your instincts. What others may see as rash behavior is, for you, simply going with your gut. Individuals with a high score on the "impulsive" trait tend to try new, sometimes outrageous, things.
You are not timid. For you, spending time microscopically examining the pros and cons of every decision means never getting anything accomplished.

Innovative

You come up with a lot of ideas; if one doesn't work out, there's always another waiting in the wings. You often have interesting solutions to difficult problems. You're practically a one-person brainstorming session.
You are less interested changing the world than in dealing with things as they are. Unlike those who spend all their time trying to solve problems, you prefer to zero in on things that work and stick with them.

Carefree

You do what you need to do, without demanding that you be perfect. The world isn't flawless and you don't feel the need to pretend that you can make it flawless in your own little way. Therefore, you don't examine everything with a microscope and are comfortable cutting yourself and others a lot of slack.
You don't need for everything you touch to turn out perfectly. You don't go looking for errors, omissions, shoddy work, or bad taste.

Loose

You feel that a clean, orderly desk is the sign of a person who doesn't have enough to do. Schedules and "to do" lists feel stifling; you thrive on a sense that anything goes, and know that the world won't end if you don't clean up after finishing a job.
You don't need to know that everything is in its place; it is not empowering to you to feel that the world around you is neat and organized. Mowing down every item on your "to do" list, every day, does not bring you joy.

Curious

You like to get to the bottom of things. You're not content knowing what someone did; you want to know why they did it.
You don't simply take things as they are and move on; you're not content skimming along on the surface; you don't feel you're wasting time by digging for the meaning of things.

Accessible

You're comfortable expressing yourself in words and actions, with no self-censorship. You believe that if someone doesn't like what they see it's not your problem, but theirs. A high score on the "accessible" trait suggests that you have a lot of friends, socialize often, and enjoy rap/hip-hop music.
You don't see the need to keep your thoughts to yourself, or to have a zone of privacy that encompasses only yourself and a small circle of friends and relatives.

Slapdash

You believe things will turn out fine even if they don't go precisely according to plan. As far as you're concerned, it's not the end of the world if a project falls short of perfection.
You don't feel compelled to dot every "i" and cross every "t."

utopia in disguise.

2011-08-09T06:35:00.000-07:00

but, being in this situation, like now knowing where to go or which way to take. makes you know.. how important, to have passion, to stick it in my mind. and pursue it.

ive been thnking so much, t\\looking up to the people i thought already make it. they wont be like they are now, if not bcs of.. they have something that running up in their veins and crashing down their nerves to be insane enough, to get it. to reach it. in any fckin way. -what the hell im talking bout.

theres always a slight blissful you can get from any kind of downiest moment in your life. if you were clear enough to see it.

at least know i know. how it feels to be lost, and seeking my deepest passion back. my truly passion.

bcs back in old days, i always know what i want. like im choosing social over science. art over routines. being so rulebreaker instead of being obey. bcs i (think) i know what i want.
until these days, i am suddenly lost. and unsure. about what i am going through.

but then, i have to be back. ciao!

writing means being honest.

2011-08-09T06:05:00.000-07:00

disini, kali ini saya mau mencoba jujur ya.

mungkin satu dua dari kalian ada yang notice keabsenan saya, dimana biasanya saya akan menulis paling tidak 3-5 posts seminggu, tapi kali in, tidak 1 post pun dalam minggu terakhir.

anyway, saya sedang mengalami, kebuntuan. ah gatau juga si nih buntu apa ngga. yang jelas rasanya semua yang coba saya keluarkan, ga enak. ga pantes dan ga worthy untuk di publish. sampah.
isinya cuma curhatan anak manja. najis sendiri.

dan kemudian saya akan berlari ke archives, yang pernah saya tulis dlu, dan bertanya sendiri kenapa saya bisa nulis kayak gitu. kayak bukan saya....

dan kemudian rasa ga pantes akan menyergap. dan bikin saya, males ngeblog lagi.
sampai sore ini, saya sampai pada satu kesimpulan, dimana semua orang bercerita, maka dari itu semua orang bisa nulis, tergantung apa mereka berani utk jujur. dan skg, saya belum bisa.

writing is being honest to yourself. where you write all your thoughts straight from your pen. thats why i choose wrting with my hand and pen instead of, typing.
i dont know. like theres a certain gap when i type.

then, now, it's not about how you write. but what you write. since writing is being honest. telling the truth from your head, you gotta have a great personality so ppl interested in reading your thoughts.
its about how you sell your personality through your words.

see? everyone can write. tapi ga semua orang bisa ngejual tulisan mereka. its all depends on their personality. karena balik lagi, ga semua orang sama.

pelajaran ya buat cowo-cowo diluar sana..

2011-08-08T03:43:00.001-07:00

kita (cewe) ga butuh yang cupu. cupu doesnt mean you look like geeky or nerd.
cupu artinya.. cowo yang yg cuma manis dimulut. we dont buy your words. means, you are not brave enough, to fight for us.
if you really want us, FIGHT FOR US, till the end.

if you dont, then bye.

ingin ingin..

2011-08-08T00:48:00.000-07:00

sekarang ini.... sedang kentang sekali.
saya diinginkan oleh yang tidak saya inginkan dan mengingini yang tidak ingin dingini oleh saya. HAHAHAH kentang kan?
makan deh tuh kentang..

sleep when you die.

2011-08-08T00:29:00.000-07:00

so hai, i notice my long no-post term here, so pleasee.. pardon me. im in the middle of big stagnancy here.

mm, tadi malem, saya ga bisa tidur. seperti biasa. jadilah, saya ga tidur sama sekali. hahah
what i wanna told here is, ketika gue ga tidur, gue pura2 tidur (eh? mulai ngablu kan nih otak) dan ketika gue pura2 tidur..
i noticed my dad always come to my room every morning.
at first i was annoyed. until i realized, he came to my room to turn off the air conditioner and cleaning my glasses.
cleaning, my fckin glasses! at 5 fckin AM in the morning!

gees. i was like.. awww thast the very sweet of you dad :')
i am kind of girl who dont fall for a sweet words and girly and romantic things. but this, is truly....... lovely. to me.
what he did to me. its simple, but meaningful to me.

and i was like, i wouldnt know this if i sleep. everytime you sleep, you missed something.
so try to not sleep sometimes ppl.
so many things happen while we're sleeping.

so i guess, i'll sleep now. i dont care what i missed. ive seen much. i need to rest this whole body before i start craving brains.

thoughts #225

2011-08-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

as soon as you stop wanting something. you get it.
so it happens to "him". i will never get him. bcs i will never stop wanting him.

thoughts #224

2011-08-01T06:34:00.000-07:00

you make me jealous. you make me not willingly to let you go.
you are no good to me.

2011-07-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

can you answer all of these questions without saying "i dont know"?

i dont know. ha!

why aren't you dating the person you like?

um. bcs i didnt ask them. and some of them is too coward to have a date like its spending a year in War. geez..

do you currently have feelings for anybody?

not really. only little crushes that i am trying to dismiss.

what are you thinking about right now?

tomorrow... im going to swim all day. i dont care.

when was the last time you changed in front of someone?

a week ago..?

if you could change your eye color would you?

yes. into zamrud.

are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else?

nope.

do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

no.

what is your hair like at the moment?

messy bun.

does the last person you shared a bed with mean anything to you?

yes

are you one of those people who are always cold?

im cold when i am surrounded by ppl who didnt make me comfort. and too lazy to talk. im quite talkative tho.

has anyone said they love you in the last week?

like yes. jerk. -..-

who was the last male you talked to?

is Napoleon count? :') #foreveralone

why did you last laugh?

bcs he's so funny :3

what were you doing at 10am this morning?

still sleeping. my day is usually started at 12pm.

what are you looking forward to in the next 3 months?

SEAGAMESSSSSSS PLEASE BE NICEEEEE

do you remember your dreams?

yeah sort of

have you been to a baby shower?

no i don't think so.

what is the last movie you watched and with who?

i'm going to re-watching science of sleep. on my own, as usual.

do you have your future children's names picked out?

scholastica would be nice. and a bit of astari.

do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?

no.

have you kissed anyone in '11 that actually meant anything?

um. no

were you happy when you woke up today?

not happy. i felt grumpy.

have you talked to a complete jerk today?

thankfully, no.

do you like hugs?

WHO DOESNT

have you ever cried in front of a friend?

yes.

what would you say if you found out your ex was in a relationship?

is there someone on your mind that really shouldn't be there?

no.. why would i think of someone i shouldnt think..

who is the first person you would call if you REALLY needed help?

what kind of help? i usually do everything on my own.

has anyone disappointed/upset you recently?

yes. deeply.

do you think it’s bad for teenage girls to get on birth control?

no. how can it be bad?

if you took a drug test right now, would you pass?

yes.

do you like silver or gold better?

silver.

do you know anyone who smokes pot?

yes.

your best friend randomly starts hating you. what do you do?

find out why.

was last night terrible?

what were you doing at 12am last night?

watching modern family and laughing like stupid.

does it make you mad when people stare at you?

no.

have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with an E?

no.

what was last thing you drank?

teh tarik.

what are you doing tonight?

watch science of sleep i told you.

where were you at 2am this morning?

my bed.

would you ever dye your hair blonde?

no but blue. or green.

is something bothering you?

no... except the thing bout napoleon keep biting me. im afraid he'll turn to sparkling vampire or something :/ is feeding your cihuahua with meat making them aggressive? :/

do you curse a lot?

yes. shit..

did you mean it the last time you said "i love you"?

yes

what is the latest you've stayed up in the past week?

4am

do you wear actual designated 'pajamas' to bed?

no.

are you comfortable in your own skin?

yes i do.

are you under the influence of anything at the moment?

sadly, no.

would you consider yourself open minded?

yes.

how many piercings do you have?

none. i hate piercings.

where were your hands last night at 11pm?

still in front of comp.

have you ever been called beautiful?

yes.

did you have a good day yesterday?

could be.

last three things you had to drink?

im in love with teh tarik.

will you be in a relationship next month?

no.

are you a jealous person?

i used to be, but not anymore.

are you one of those twilight crazy people?

no..

do you feel like you have life figured out?

not at all. i'm currently lost, to be honest.

are you happy right now?

not really but i'm ok.

do you find smoking unattractive?

no.

do you want your tongue pierced?

no.

have you done anything sneaky lately?

who do you like?

mm, i will find out too.

did you actually follow through with the first question?

i believe i do.

this is what i thought when night comes. only at night. i swear!

2011-07-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

money and state of mind.

2011-07-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

"SAYA TIDAK PERNAH MISKIN HANYA KARENA TIDAK PUNYA UANG. KEMISKINAN ADALAH KERANGKA BERPIKIR, SEMENTARA TIDAK PUNYA UANG HANYA KONDISI SEMENTARA"

i quoted that from.. my teacher's photo.

mmm, i gotta be agree with it. but i think, we're all poor indeed.
i think all we have is just a gift from universe to be given it away to others.
i mean its like, only deposit.

semua yang kita punya itu cuma titipan. kita ga punya apa-apa. kita miskin. apa yang kita punya adalah titipan semesta untuk diberikan kepoada yang lain sheingga nantinya akan menjadi sebuah keseimbangan.
apa yang kita punya sudah seharusnya kita bagi dan tidak kita simpan sendiri. karena toh itu juga pemberian dari orang lain, yang nantinya kita berikan pula ke orang lain.

contoh : uang yang berpindah tuan. satu lembar uang tidak akan tetap berada pada pemilik pertama bukan? uang itu akan terus bergulir, dari satu kantong, ke kantong lain. dari satu dompet ke dompet lain. mengisi berbagai perut. dan menjadi rejeki berratus orang. sampai akhirnya uang itu akan lecek dan tidak laku.

jadi gausah takut miskin, karena toh memang semua orang tidak punya apa2. hanya saja ada orang yang punya titipan lebih banyak yang nantinya punya tanggung jawab lebih besar untuk membagikannya. dan orang yang lebih sedikit tanggung jawab dengan titipannya.

thats what i mean. we have nothing, indeed. so what are you so proud of? those money not even yours.

thoughts #223

2011-07-26T08:02:00.001-07:00

my first tattoo wouldnt be camera or pisces, or any symbol. it would be "ohana".

jama'ah... alhamdulilahh.

2011-07-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

hai.

ga kok, saya ga akan ngeluh soal betapa padet-padet-ngganya kegiatan saya akhir2 ini. betapa hari saya terkuras, dan tiba2 udah ketemu malem aja. betapa saya bisa bosen browsing dan lebih milih leha-leha di kamar aja. betapa saya pengen kesana sini tapi ga bisa, betapa saya mumetnya sama otak dan hati saya. betapa saya kangen sama seseorang yang jelas-jelas ga mikirin saya.

ngga.. :)

saya cma mau, bersyukur. sama semesta. makasih ya, semesta. atas semua yang sampai detik ini masih bisa saya alami dan rasakan. secara lahir batin. makasih :)
meskipun saya ga paham dan kadang saya kecewa, saya masih tetep mau bilang makasih.
you did so much to me. peluk sungkem.

thoughts #222

2011-07-26T07:48:00.001-07:00

dont mistaken my introverts with arrogant.

thoughts #221

2011-07-26T07:47:00.001-07:00

You're just as loser as me. The difference is, I enjoy every second of it while you moan about it.

thoughts #220

2011-07-26T07:43:00.001-07:00

Why coffee shops?! Why not tea shops?? What so great abt coffee? #ProTea I'm gonna hv a tea shop, smday.

thoughts #219

2011-07-26T07:42:00.001-07:00

Oh sorry for being (too) Robin Scherbatsky.

thoughts #218

2011-07-26T07:34:00.002-07:00

you cant just straightly ask people what do u think, why, or whats on their mind. its way too complicated to be answered.

thoughts #217

2011-07-26T07:34:00.000-07:00

I'm just stupid cynical chinese girl who has an awful photography technic and dream and even claim herself as one. And even so, I'd still be dreaming. I can learn. Even it took the rest of my life.

thoughts #216

2011-07-26T07:33:00.001-07:00

I wanna have a proper hello and (bitter)sweet ending too.

thoughts #215

2011-07-26T07:32:00.003-07:00

i got it. i am too snobbish. i admit it.

thoughts #214

2011-07-26T07:32:00.001-07:00

Semua di mulai dengan "katanya.." Kapan kata lo?

thoughts #213

2011-07-26T07:31:00.003-07:00

We're hard 10. So you'd better be 11 to take us down.

thoughts #212

2011-07-26T07:31:00.001-07:00

lets just be honest. start to ourselves.

thoughts #211

2011-07-26T07:30:00.003-07:00

we're sims of the sims of the sims of the sims of universe who playing the sims.

thoughts #210

2011-07-26T07:30:00.001-07:00

chance is floating around us. catch it if you dare.

2011-07-25T05:08:00.000-07:00

oh oh, let me give you a hint.
albert einstein said, if you cant explain it, you simply dont understand it well.

well, i dont understand my feelings. and thoughts, and whats happen, and whats universe delivers to me.
so i am totally insecure.
dang, i cant explain it to you.

2011-07-25T05:05:00.000-07:00

i know.. i know whats my problem. why i cant write it all down here.
why cant i write my thoughts here, and all the feelings.

bcs lately ive been not honest to myself.
i keep denying.
i keep lying to my heart, my brain.

hmm. so, let me be honest to myself..