saya ga tau. tp akhir2 ini saya ngerasain bener tuhan kok baik ya?
maksudnya saya baru sadar, kalo apa yang saya (pernah) minta, dikasih bener sm dia.

meski ga langsung 'cring!' depan mata nongol. tapi dikasih..

duh saya pgn ngasih contoh, tp say lg ga kepikiran cth kecilnya apa. adanya cth2 yang ga perlu saya publish dsni.
hmm..
tapi ya tapi.. ketika hal yang pernah gue minta sm dia, dikasih beneran, gue malah.. seakan2 ga suka dan menolak pemebrian itu.

dosa ga sih? ah gue ga tkt sm dosa. salah ga sih?maaf maaf..

oke kepikiran. cth kecilnya.
gue pnh berharap bgt buat dpt job. jadi guru tk/ guru sd. whatever yg pntg anak kecil imut (minta ditendang tp). and i got it.
tp liat kan skg? unjung2nya gue malah ga bs bertanggung jawab sm permintaan uge itu. gue nyerah. gue ga mikir jauh kalo bakal gini. gue berhenti.

anyway anyway.. kok saya lagi lelah bgt ya. lelah mentally. cape ngurusin ini itu. cape ngurusin tetek bengek labinya saya. cape nanggepin orang. cape liat sikon yang bgni amat. cape mempertanyakan masa depan saya. cape ngerasa cape. halah!

*updated*
br kelar ngepost gni. eh tb2 something happened. hal yg gue tadinya harepin dan gue ga gt suka, ditarik lg sm dia! beneran!
wah i learn a thing from here.

be careful of what you wish. *nodding*
dont wish if you werent ready or knowing clear enough all the responsibilities with what you wish.
you gotta fight for what you want. not only waiting. waiting doesnt get you anywhere.

it's like, God wants a better life for me. so he send me to there to that family. that family, is a normal perfect family that people have dreamed for.

they eat together. they laugh together. they share stories while eating. they only eat good things. they watch movies together. they understand each other.

God, im not begging for a prefect family. i want mine. however imperfect it is.

i drew, i wrote. i captured.

i dont wanna impress people with my not-so-great photography skill and technique. i dont wanna be snobby with tools i have. i only wanna be able to tell stories behind pictures.

and i'm pretty sure what i want and why i am here this far.

je-da

jeda. ruang antara.

hal kecil yang sangat berarti bagi kita. sesuatu dapat lahir antara jeda. sesuatu dapat rusak bila berjeda. sesuatu baru akan berarti bila diberi jeda.

dan rasanya saya memberi jeda terlalu banyak. terlalu jauh sehingga saya lupa, saya berhenti dimana dan kenapa. the worst, i dont know how to get back.

jeda juga mengerikan. terutama jeda antara kita.
ruang yang kian besar dan biru.



jadi, pentingkah jeda diantara kita? saya hanya ingin kembali.
atau saya harus tetap memberi jeda agar memberi ruang untuk sesuatu yang baru?

sejenak.

nothing's being in vain.

tapi, semua itu ada baiknya. dengan mengajar mereka, saya berkaca pada diri saya.
bagaimana saya sudah bisa sejauh ini.
bagaimana orang2 yang ambil peran sudah membuat saya sejauh ini.
bagaimana saya lebih pinter dr mrk kyknya wkt saya seusia mrk,
bagaimana sebenernya mrk ga butuh saya, mrk cm butuh waktu luang dari org tua yg senantiasa ngajarin mrk.
dan bagaimana beruntungnya saya waktu itu ga perlu les krn ada org tua saya.
bagaimana saya pernah jadi mereka.
bagaimana saya akan mikir dua kali untuk masukin anak saya nanti ke tempat les sedini mungkin karena itu cuma merampas masa kecil anak saya (kelak)

kapan dan sm siapa yaa

road trip, ngelilingin jakarta-bandung-bogor dan sekitar. tanpa arah. kabur dari rutinitas sejenak. tidur di resting area. atau bahkan ga tidur. jalan2, ngabisin duit. liat2. unplanned trip. mengunjungi museum. ngobrol. ngakak. nyalain musik keras2 dalam mobil. karokean seadanya. joged2 ga jelas. seneng2. someday.

afre or, anyone? :)

it's just an analogy.

you know people like white. you want to be liked by people. you can be white. but you keep being black.
why?
bcs you wanna know, who is brave enough to pick your true colors.

cause it's all just a dream.

i guess know i truly understand why Summer doesnt believe in love. why Meredith almost giving up on Derek at first. why Abby Richter being so cynical and apathetic toward men. and why me staying single here.

You Are Driven and Focused

You view people with optimism. You have many meaningful relationships in your life. You had more conflict with your father than your mother. Your relationship with him was difficult and possibly unhealthy. You deal with stress in a fairly normal way. Stress presents a struggle for you, but you're usually able to neutralize your emotions. You are the type of person who knows how to get a lot done. However, sometimes you can't help but get overwhelmed by life.

The Inkblot Test

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

       

pressure.

pressure. pressure. i never be under pressure, i swear i never was. but know, i admit it. this damn job gimme a lot pressure.

and know, i really understand do what your passion goes with. dont do it bcs of money. do it bcs of your passion, then automatically, money will come to you.

ARGH! im gonna quit my job. its not that i dont fit or get along with kids, but i cant stand my boss. and pressure she gives to me. with all her damn nonsense rules. and she's way too.. limiting me to teach the way i want.

and also the schedule that should making me just busy, not way too busy.
i dont care, i am just not ready.