when you ever lost something ( in my case, someone) . you will try to reach another thing. another best thing you really like.
and for me, this is something that i like so much.
to capture people. moment, mind, everything.
and it become such my dream. my destination. my aim.my passion.
and when you like something, you will try anything, to do your best to prove it. that you can do it. and it has own satisfaction for me.
so, a couple days ago, i joined some photo contest to see how far ive done.
and about the prize, yeah who doesn't need money. but its not a big deal.
then , i prepared all the whole things by myself. i really didnt want to trouble anyone.
and it wasnt easy at all.
and then , when you prepared all the best thing in your mind,
when you already through so many troubles, when you almost reach the final touch,
then somethings happened and it (photo shoot) was cancelled.
it was just okay for me. yes, i do disappoint.
very disappoint (the moment you said that, its like i wanted to cry but i could hold it thankfully because i know its more important for you)
and the moment you cried because of me (i know not only me), it was touching me so much. and then i shed a few tears, secretly.
and the moment someone said that its all because of my fucking lomo (which is me).
i cant handle it. the words really torn my heart. its like what all the things ive done, collapse in a wink.
it was like i want to punch him and say "SHUT THE FCK UP" to him loudly.
he even doesnt know anything about me and my dreams and what ive done. HOW DARE HE SAID IT TO ME!? how dare you joking on my trouble?!
is it wrong to prove something? is it wrong to have a dream? is it wrong to make all people around me, proud of me??!!!!! why is so hard???????
IS IT GODDAMN WRONG?
if its yeas, so this is what you want. i quit. i wont dealing with any fckin lomo things!
because it seems bring so many trouble to me, and people around me.
so, this is me. every time people asked me about my work, and every time i remind what he said (even i know he was only kidding) i cant hold my tears. because i know its the end.
ps : hopefully you understand what i mean, Bi. you're not fcked. and oh.. your notes makes me cry :'""| but i still have all the Alice in waterland things in my mind. i cant stop think about it and think how good it can be. and i am not blaming you at all.