Sunday, 29 April 2012


so much things to process.

yang tadi paginya everything looks just fine and finally i seem to have a lil hope then suddenly, everything goes wrong and soo much worse. in one night.
suddenly he took a lot of blood from his anus, to he's not even standing in the morning.
i cant stand it/ i cant see his sad sad eyes, that tell me that its so damn torturing.
i keep telling him to survive bcs i promise him a lot of meat and milk, which he likes, and i promise him i will play with him more often. i promise.
then i slept there with him, holding his head. he seems so weak and suffering.
i swear i wish it was me.

im sorry baby for not treating you right. i miss you and i love you so much.
please, be healed.

ps. ive never been this sad just so you know.  not even when he left me. i know ypu guys will laugh on me bcs i cried over my dog. i dont care. i cant be a heartless bitch. i cant pretend this is fine, hes gonna be fine soon its just a clod, no i cant when you saw i what saw last night. my baby, is dying. and suffering there! i cant!!!

Saturday, 28 April 2012

currently feeling.

even though i was a cat in my previous life, i am a dog , totally, dog person right now.
cepet sembuh Leonn :(
i miss you alreadyyyy :""""(
we miss you.
god why do you hate me so muchh??! rghhh (no no no im not blaming Him. i just need to feel that way while i figure out, WHYYYY?? :(:(:( )

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

i think i am a cat in my previous life.

i hv this sourpuss face, all i wanna do is sleep, eat, goler-goleran, but still be loved. what coould possibly i am if not a caat?? i have a bad anger management, i will hzzzingggg if you annoys me just like a cat.

anyway this song to accompany you, all the lonely cats in the world~ mon ami..

and also, you my lovely Leon, up there. 

Monday, 23 April 2012

something about fire

this is Adele's "set fire to the rain" mashed up with "something about us" by daft punk, by Carlos Serrano. i think this is brilliant. i mean, i always find Adele's song is too enthusiastic in emotional (and a bit angry) way. but when it mixed with daft punk's chill ambiance... well, it's just... genius. it all mixed well and nothing's too be forced.

Thursday, 19 April 2012

grow up..

having a religion doesn't mean you hv a god to be blamed when you are in the middle of bad situation , it means, you have god who believes in you that you can go through that situation and you have god to believe that you could do it all.

dont entirely believe in bible. believe in your heart. and respect universe, nature and human being.

this is why i dont like praising god in some kind of church. i feel like there are so many more real instrument to praise god. that will be more appreciated in real life.
besides i dont like the side effect by constantly going to church that will make us feel "safe" i mean like, "i am safe, am not going to hell bcs i am constantly going to church every sunday. wohoo" that kind of thing.

i think, god is a unique substance in life that will be shaped in any kind of form. could be your mom. could be a homeless that you treat badly. could be tukang sayur that you give a cold shoulder every morning. somethin like that. who knows..

ah ngomong apasih gue.. yuk tidur.

Thursday, 12 April 2012

thoughts #254

i'm like water. i reflect what you guys did to me, or trying to show to me. if you think i am cool then you're cool. if you think i am lame , then i am too lazy to interact with you bcs you're lameee.

thoughts #253

my latest goals are to watch a good movies a day and to publish an artsy bitsy book that people would hv interest to see but too pricy to buy or just utterly bullshit that nobody would give a single fck.

thoughts #252

do you think life is real?
i mean, when i we die, we feel like sleeping, then, this whole so called real life, is just a dream..?


i wanna live in 20's.

kita generasi instant.
semuanya instant.

sebuah sore menghantar saya ke sebuah pikiran tersebut. dimulai dengan rasa penasaran saya, bagaimana orang pertama, orang jaman batu bisa nemuin cara memuaskan diri dengan memasukkan (saya anggap kita semua legal to say this ya) penis ke dalam vagina. bagaimana itu bisa menimbulkan orgasme dan bagaimana they could found out how baby born.

it depressed me somehow.


gimana mereka bisa membuat bangunan pyramid yang masih bertahan sampe sekarang sementara arsitek sekarang cuma bisa bikin bangunan yang habis dimakan waktu dan bencana.

gimana mereka bisa nemuin cara komunikasi antar benua hanya dengan jaringan internet.

ada yang tau? ga ada karena kita adalah generasi instant. generasi pemalas tanpa rasa penasaran dan mencari tahu. taunya cuma pergi kesekolah dan disodorin aja sama sejarah gimana mereka nemuin ini itu secara kronologis. mengganggapnya sebagai angin lalu trus yauda balik lagi ke gadget super canggih kita tanpa tahu, bahwa tanpa orang-orng dulu, kita masih menggunakan merpati just to say hello.

hmm, what the hell did i just thought. am just saying, kita generasi instant yang malas. yang gtau apa dan gtau susah. semua udah serba ada dan mudah. sekali klik semua beres. i dont know how human being could be in the next centuries.

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

thoughts #251

sometimes we mistaken lust as love, and hesitating love as lust. so we got lost.

the pains of being pure at heart.

sometimes i wish i live alone in deep forest raised by a pack of wolf or chimpanzee, i dont need human around me.
they're too fake and fckin annoying. they only find you when they need you then the rest they forget.
i dont care if i lose all the joy of being human. idc if i hv nothing.

at least i wont afraid of losing everything too.


Sunday, 8 April 2012

talking about fetish.. i want it, hard!

do you guys have any fetish?
well what is fetish actually means anyway?

Fetish means an an object worshipped for its supposed magical power it also means a form of sexual desire in which saticfaction is focused adnormally on an object, part of the body.
well, it simply means, a specific activity that one particularly likes. It can be naughty or nice.

well, i have a fetish. but not in a sexual attracted way.
i like to collect all good movies i've watched  or i want to watch, in a dvd. i dont care abt how fast my internet connection and about how easy i can get rare movies i like on internet, i want it in a dvd! a piece of dvd where i can keep for the rest of my life. and play in on my dvd player. not a computer! not in a harddisk! not in a soft copy. i want it, hard! hard copy.

thats it.

because somehow it feels right to me. having something real. like i am part of history (?) like a real prove to my grandkids (if i will ever have) someday "kids, ive watch those good old movies. here, i will inheritance it for you." and my (cool) grandkids will be like "omg grandma! you're so cool back then!! its so hard you know finding hard copy of this movies."

hahahah yea. i dont care. i just like it that way. what about you?