Tuesday 23 November 2010

saya ga tau. tp akhir2 ini saya ngerasain bener tuhan kok baik ya?
maksudnya saya baru sadar, kalo apa yang saya (pernah) minta, dikasih bener sm dia.

meski ga langsung 'cring!' depan mata nongol. tapi dikasih..

duh saya pgn ngasih contoh, tp say lg ga kepikiran cth kecilnya apa. adanya cth2 yang ga perlu saya publish dsni.
hmm..
tapi ya tapi.. ketika hal yang pernah gue minta sm dia, dikasih beneran, gue malah.. seakan2 ga suka dan menolak pemebrian itu.

dosa ga sih? ah gue ga tkt sm dosa. salah ga sih?maaf maaf..

oke kepikiran. cth kecilnya.
gue pnh berharap bgt buat dpt job. jadi guru tk/ guru sd. whatever yg pntg anak kecil imut (minta ditendang tp). and i got it.
tp liat kan skg? unjung2nya gue malah ga bs bertanggung jawab sm permintaan uge itu. gue nyerah. gue ga mikir jauh kalo bakal gini. gue berhenti.

anyway anyway.. kok saya lagi lelah bgt ya. lelah mentally. cape ngurusin ini itu. cape ngurusin tetek bengek labinya saya. cape nanggepin orang. cape liat sikon yang bgni amat. cape mempertanyakan masa depan saya. cape ngerasa cape. halah!

*updated*
br kelar ngepost gni. eh tb2 something happened. hal yg gue tadinya harepin dan gue ga gt suka, ditarik lg sm dia! beneran!
wah i learn a thing from here.

be careful of what you wish. *nodding*
dont wish if you werent ready or knowing clear enough all the responsibilities with what you wish.
you gotta fight for what you want. not only waiting. waiting doesnt get you anywhere.

Monday 22 November 2010

it's like, God wants a better life for me. so he send me to there to that family. that family, is a normal perfect family that people have dreamed for.

they eat together. they laugh together. they share stories while eating. they only eat good things. they watch movies together. they understand each other.

God, im not begging for a prefect family. i want mine. however imperfect it is.

Friday 19 November 2010

i drew, i wrote. i captured.

i dont wanna impress people with my not-so-great photography skill and technique. i dont wanna be snobby with tools i have. i only wanna be able to tell stories behind pictures.

and i'm pretty sure what i want and why i am here this far.

Monday 15 November 2010

je-da

jeda. ruang antara.

hal kecil yang sangat berarti bagi kita. sesuatu dapat lahir antara jeda. sesuatu dapat rusak bila berjeda. sesuatu baru akan berarti bila diberi jeda.

dan rasanya saya memberi jeda terlalu banyak. terlalu jauh sehingga saya lupa, saya berhenti dimana dan kenapa. the worst, i dont know how to get back.

jeda juga mengerikan. terutama jeda antara kita.
ruang yang kian besar dan biru.



jadi, pentingkah jeda diantara kita? saya hanya ingin kembali.
atau saya harus tetap memberi jeda agar memberi ruang untuk sesuatu yang baru?

sejenak.

Sunday 14 November 2010

nothing's being in vain.

tapi, semua itu ada baiknya. dengan mengajar mereka, saya berkaca pada diri saya.
bagaimana saya sudah bisa sejauh ini.
bagaimana orang2 yang ambil peran sudah membuat saya sejauh ini.
bagaimana saya lebih pinter dr mrk kyknya wkt saya seusia mrk,
bagaimana sebenernya mrk ga butuh saya, mrk cm butuh waktu luang dari org tua yg senantiasa ngajarin mrk.
dan bagaimana beruntungnya saya waktu itu ga perlu les krn ada org tua saya.
bagaimana saya pernah jadi mereka.
bagaimana saya akan mikir dua kali untuk masukin anak saya nanti ke tempat les sedini mungkin karena itu cuma merampas masa kecil anak saya (kelak)

Saturday 13 November 2010

kapan dan sm siapa yaa

road trip, ngelilingin jakarta-bandung-bogor dan sekitar. tanpa arah. kabur dari rutinitas sejenak. tidur di resting area. atau bahkan ga tidur. jalan2, ngabisin duit. liat2. unplanned trip. mengunjungi museum. ngobrol. ngakak. nyalain musik keras2 dalam mobil. karokean seadanya. joged2 ga jelas. seneng2. someday.

afre or, anyone? :)

it's just an analogy.

you know people like white. you want to be liked by people. you can be white. but you keep being black.
why?
bcs you wanna know, who is brave enough to pick your true colors.

cause it's all just a dream.

i guess know i truly understand why Summer doesnt believe in love. why Meredith almost giving up on Derek at first. why Abby Richter being so cynical and apathetic toward men. and why me staying single here.


You Are Driven and Focused



You view people with optimism. You have many meaningful relationships in your life.



You had more conflict with your father than your mother. Your relationship with him was difficult and possibly unhealthy.



You deal with stress in a fairly normal way. Stress presents a struggle for you, but you're usually able to neutralize your emotions.



You are the type of person who knows how to get a lot done. However, sometimes you can't help but get overwhelmed by life.


       

Friday 12 November 2010

pressure.

pressure. pressure. i never be under pressure, i swear i never was. but know, i admit it. this damn job gimme a lot pressure.

and know, i really understand do what your passion goes with. dont do it bcs of money. do it bcs of your passion, then automatically, money will come to you.

ARGH! im gonna quit my job. its not that i dont fit or get along with kids, but i cant stand my boss. and pressure she gives to me. with all her damn nonsense rules. and she's way too.. limiting me to teach the way i want.

and also the schedule that should making me just busy, not way too busy.
i dont care, i am just not ready.

Wednesday 10 November 2010

okay, before i tell you my story today, i wanna say "THANK GOD I AM STILL ALIVEEE"

kenapa saya berkata begitu?

begini, ehem, cerita dimulai ketika saya bangun pagi dan ga mandi pulang kuliah.
nah sesuai rencana, gue mesti ngajar hr ini. tapi berhubung waktunya masih lama, so i decided to take busway to go there instead of mikrolet. karena sekalian membuang2 waktu.
pas turun dari busway, gue lanjut metro mini 83. note : i never take that bus. so this is my first time taking that bus.

nah as usually gue duduk di pinggir sebelah kiri deket jendela.
bus jalannya pelaaaaan bgt, mungkin sambil nunggu penumpang jg ya. lalu segerombol anak SMA entah apa masuk.

biasa dong ya?

cerita berawal dr sini, jalan dikit kedepan, tiba2 ada anak remaja (cieh) ngejer bus (yang) gue (tumpangi itu)
eh herannya si sopir malah makin ngebut jalannya, bukannya bairin tuh anak naik.

TAUNYAA, beberapa meter di depan UDAH ADA SEGEROMBOL TEMEN2NYA ANAK ITU MEGANG BATU SEGEDE2 DUREN, DILEMPAR aja gitu KE BUS GUEEEE.

astagaaaa. ASTAGAAAA!!! ini toh yang namanya tawuran.

gue yang saat itu duduk sebelah jendela, kena imbasnya. belakang gue, jendelanya pecah semua. dan untungnya, kaca gue ga kena. padahal itu mencong dikit batunya bisa kena kepala gue.

boleh astaga lg ga? ASTAGAAAA! gue langsung shock! apa2an nih lempar2an batuu!?

ternyata, anak2 sma di dlm bus gue, itu inceran mereka. ank2 sma itu duduk pas di belkang gue. dan ank2 yang dijalan itu ktnya musuh mereka. mknya mereka ngelempar batu itu.

and i was like.. WHAT THE HELL?! ADA URUSAN DAN PROBLEM APA LO BERANI NGELEMPAR BATU SEGEDE PALA LO KE ANGKUTAN UMUM?!  begini nih anak sekolahan? begini?! sajkdsfhjkjkdfka

asli, gue masih kaget sekagetnya. baru pertama yang nemu gnian. maslaahnya itu gue liat jelas mereka ancang2 ngelempar batu dan mengarah ke gue (juga), dan thank god, ga kenaaa! kalo kena gmn? bisa2 gue ga inget smaa lo semua dan sedang tergeletak di urmah sakit kali. *lebaytapiserius*

btw, thas all i wanna tell. gue cuma kecewa sama ank2 jaman skg. gue yakin apapun alesan mrk anarkis dan tolol gitu, pasti sepele. yang gede cuma emosi doang. tapi ga pake otak bgt. mereka kan ank sekolah. sekolah. tapi kenapa kelakuannya kayak orang gila?

apa tindakan tadi menunjukkan kualitas pendidikan kita?

Monday 8 November 2010

about this guy

he plays guitar.
he likes photography (which is good)
he is internet bitch.
he is cute.
his taste of music is sort of same with mine.
he likes Mayer too.
he has unbearable jaw.
he (seems) tough.

i guess, he's everything i dream of.

the problem is, he doesnt know me. doesnt know that there is a strange girl who is peeking his facebook and want to know him deeply.

Thursday 4 November 2010

3 words i learn about life

life goes on. let it go. life isn't easy.
jangan dipikir kalian ga turut ambil bagian dalam pembentukan sifat dan karakter gue dan semata-mata nyalahin mereka dan nyamain gue dengan para cewe-cewe itu ya. YOU HAVE THE BIGGEST PART, i tell you. TOLONGA SADAR YA!
entah kenapa ya, lucunya, setiap saya berpulang dari rumah saudara saya ke pamulang lagi, diperjalannya pastiiii ketemu seseorang yang saya kenal.
temen SMA lah, tmn SD lah, even one of my bestie!

lucu ya. suka mikir, emang gue se-eksis itu ya? haha abaikan.

anyway, tadi, pas pualng, ternyata saya satu bus transjakarta sama tmn SD saya. entah deh dia ingat saya apa ga. saya jg males nyapanya. secara dia di depan saya paling belakang. pojok pula. dia si udah ngintip2 liat ke arah saya, mungkin dia jg ngerasa ngenalis saya kali ya.

anyway lagii, saya jadi mikir. anjir, itu orang (tmn sd) terakhir gue temuin pas SD. skg gfue kuliah. ku-li-ah. it's a big word though. it means i already passed my teenage life. my 'puber' life. ya ampun. secepat itukah waktu?

gue udah ngapain aja? apa yang udah gue lakuin, apakah  cukup berkesan untuk gue kenang saat mati nanti?

hwooo big words ya.. tapi emang gtu.
tanpa sadar, waktu berlalu gitu aja. apa lo mau mengisi hiduplo hanya dengan rutinitas dan didiktat orng lain? saya sih engga.
maka saya mikir, i have to do something. i dont wanna waste my life only for something.. usual.

hm tapi apa ya.

who you'll believe in?

i guess the way god works is, he's letting people runaway from him bcs he is sure we will back to him.

bcs basically, human being is full of hmm what's the right words.. 'ketidaktahuan'- ignorance?

the truth is, we cant live without something to rely on. even you state yourself as an atheist, you need something to stick with. something to believe in. no matter whats that.

its like you want to run but you dont know the direction. so you keep walking then you lost then you'll be back to your parent.

Tuesday 2 November 2010

topik hari ini.

RT @AsmaraAbigail RT @sashagautama: "Life is about accepting the fact that you are who you are and that's never gonna change."
oke. hari ini saya mau mengakui, that i am sloppy. i am clumsy. and  i am impatience. and that will change, but it takes long time. 
i dont know if i can survive on this responsible i took or not. but one thing i know, i am tired. BIG TIRED. 

iin rasanya jadi orang dewasa? ga terlalu menyenangkan seperti di mimpi saya.

Monday 1 November 2010

mau naik bus, keluar kota. sama dia. habisin perjalanan berhari-hari di bus. ngobrol ngalor ngidul. ketawa ga ejlas saat orang pada tidur. buka jendela. hirup udara dingin gunung. tapi.. gunungnya lagi ngambek. hmm..

dear afre,

entah kenapa ya, akhir2 ini saya kangen kalian banget.

kalian lebih dari sekedar kumpulan bocah freak yang kadang ga tau malu. kalian lebih dari sekedar teman dikala SMA, kalian bukan sekedar teman pulang. bukan sekedar teman satu selera.
tapi bagi saya, kalian benar2 lebih dari sekedar teman

dan saya ga yakin saya bisa dapet yang macem kalian disini. karena kalian, irreplaceable. :)