Friday 28 October 2011

thoughts #244

i love it when i got a simple "morning" message when i woke up. it simple means, you are the first thing in their mind when they woke up in the morning. i know i am so naive.

the feeling strikes back

the feeling strikes back.
i wanna have a fight over something with you.
arguing small things.
getting sad and mad each other
then come back missing you so much.
bcs sometimes, fighting isnt always bad.
it means we have something to fight for. to be hold.

the feeling strikes back.
i wanna hug you tight.
well i should've hug you right there.
i wanna feel safe and sound around you.
sharing silence. watching tv and dont get excited.
but it's okay, bcs im with you.

the feeling strikes back.
i wanna kiss you while in the middle of crossing bridge where nobody crosses it
bcs to lazy to hike the stairs
i wanna tell you all my stories but too nervous bcs you were so adorable today

the feeling strikes back
everytime you called me "sayang" or "kamu"
it makes my tummy feels weird.
my blood runs faster and my veins could explode anytime soon.

the feeling strikes back
when i look at my friend with her couple.
who shares love to each other and looking so cute.
and feeling graceful bcs they found each other.
then my mind stumbled on you.

the feeling strikes back
when i want you entirely mine.
then i remember, we're nothing and i dont know
are we going somewhere..
or just stay in a place.

untitled.

i never asked to be born.
then he gave me a chance.
and i waste it beautifully.

thoughts #243

What takes you so long to find me?

thoughts #242

I'm not gonna find someone like you. I'm gonna find someone better than you

thoughts #241

Today I learned, that my dad is old and he can't change the way I want. I'm the one who's gotta accept the way he is.

thoughts #240

Science is the closest thing we have to magic. That's why it fascinates me.

thoughts #239

I must be a sugar-free candy.

thoughts #238

It's better to be the real you and it will be my job to deal with it than, loving the fake one

Friday 21 October 2011

movie list. (to lazy to put any information)

  1. Requiem Of the Dream
  2. Bettlejuice
  3. Patch Adams
  4. Dead Poets Society
  5. Gie
  6. Stranger Than Fiction
  7. Mermaid
  8. Jesus and the Mary Chain
  9. I'm not There
  10. Somewhere
  11. And They Lived Hapilly Ever After
  12. Melancholia
  13. Bang Bang Club

im out this year.

jadi tuh ceritanya hari ini Banten sedang mengadakan pemilihan gubernur gitu.
berhubung saya berdomisili di pinggir2 Tangerang, dan umur saya *ehem* baru 19 thaun, jadi saya punya kesempatan untuk milih siapa gubernur Banten selanjutnya.

temen saya, pengen banget bisa milih tapi ga ada KTP, tapi saya malah ga ada antusiasmenya.
kenapa?

bukan karena saya apatis dan ignorant sama masa depan kota saya.
saya juga pengen masa depan Banten berpengaruh dari tangan saya. 

tapi saya lebih memilih diam daripada ikut2an doang. saya ga mau asal2an milih padahal saya ga punya informasi apa2 soal calon2 gubernur saya itu.
ngapain kalo asal milih? apa bedanya saya sama temen saya yang pengen milih cuma biar ujung jari kelingkingnya item...
apa bedanya saya sama bocah 10 tahun yang ikut-ikutan bapaknya nyoblos
apa bedanya saya sama mereka yang asal di kasih kaos kampanye plus plus terus langsung menggantungkan masa depan banten berdasarkan jumlah uang yang diberi.
apa bedanya saya sama mereka yang cuma milih berdasarkan seberapa menariknya penampilan calon2 itu.
apa bedanya sama cap cip cup sambil merem pas didalem bilik.

saya itu mahasiswa. terpelajar.
umur saya 19.
saya masih muda. dan saya seharusnya melek politik.
saya merasa ada hak untuk tau begaimana calon2 itu dan hak untuk menilai mereka dari sudut pandang saya.
tapi, berhubung saya emang. ehem, ga merhatiin. maka saya ga punya informasi apa2.
dan dari debat yang saya tonton emarin juga ga memberi saya dorongan untuk menjatuhkan pilihan saya pada 1 calon.
jadi saya ga milih.

terus mau sampe kapan Ga?
sampe.... saya melihat titik terang aja yah.

Monday 17 October 2011

thoughts #237

gue capek having "getting-to-know-each-other" part. lo baca blog gue aja ya.
gue capek having "lo-tuh-maunya-apa-sih" part, lo nulis blog aja ya. ntr gue baca.
gue capek having "sms-ga-ya-sms-ga-ya" part, kita langsung jalan aja ya. 3 dates rules to see you're worth it or not.
gue capek "being-the-first-who-finds-topic-to-talk-to" things, gue diem aja ya.
gue capek having "kode-and-all-the-modus" things. just be smart enough to find out by yourself abt my mixed signals.

Saturday 15 October 2011

bad habit dies fckin hard.

niatnya : tugas hari ini kelar.
pelaksanannya : baru sore buka komputer. donlot tugas. tapi langsung tumblring ini itu dulu.
kenyataanya : sampe sekarang tugas belom disentuh
harapannya : hello kitty tolong selesaikan tugasku malam ini u.u

the idea is brilliant.. *sobbing*

sayang itu.. bukan alesan.

terinspirasi dari seorang teman yang sedang bimbang dan ragu, mau potong rambut ekstreme pendek atau yaa cuma asal pendek rapi aja #girlsproblem
saya bilang, potong pendek sekalian aja. pasalnya dia udah memiliki rambut panjang sepinggangnya itu cukup lama dan yaa, bosen lah ya?
saya aja bisa tiap 6 bulan sekali potong rambut. apalagi kalo bosen.
dia bilang iya juga sih, tapi.. sayang.

saya bilang, jangan pernah jadiin sayang sebagai alesan buat ga melakukan sesuatu. jangan sampe rasa sayang itu menahan lo untuk mengeksplore sesuatu. kalo sampe gtu, NAH! itu yang perlu lo sayangkan.

kalo lo sayang, sampe kapanpun ya lo bakal gitu2 aja. ga bakal nyoba dan tau.
dan pikiran ini membawa saya ke.. kuliah. andai kata suatu saat nanti saya beneran pindah kuliah (mumpung muka masih imut2) dan mulai dari nol. dont tell me i am wasting my time, and feel sorry for my wasted time.
semua tuh ada hikmahnya. ga ada yang perlu gue sesalin. gue dapet pengalaman, temen. dan segala macem.

so lets do something different today. 

Thursday 13 October 2011

tonight we fall a little bit harder.

we were about having a chit chat abt my weird friends that you cant tolerate.
then i said, thats my network,you gotta used to it. 
you said, then i gotta stay away from you if thats the truth. lol.
damn, i was like...
i realize i was scared enough to lose you, and that makes me realize too that i want you enough to be around me. but
then again,
the conclution goes to, we're already in such a distance. 
why worry? we're not real anyway... we're not going anywhere.
then you said, no im kidding. i'll be around.
this is where i fell for you.
then i said, you dont need to always be there for me, you have your  own life. :]
"shit, you got me" you said.
that's where he fell for me. either a lil bit harder for me, or outta love. cant decide. :/
do i want you enough? make me sure you worth the risk. make me sure i know you want the same thing too.

thoughts #236

if you want time, i will surely give you. but promise me one thing. to come back.

eh halo kalian

lebih suka baca apa liat gambar si?
secara psikologi pasti liat gambar ya?
tapi saya bukan tipial rajin untuk taro gambar di blog, bener deh. repots. bknnya ga mau.
dan tipikal lebih tertarik baca tulisan yang singkat dan straight to the point.

jadi maaf ya kalo kurang berkenan..

Sunday 9 October 2011

if you ask me,

why i love UK and why i wanna go there, live in there.
well, i cant anawer.
its not that i am not liking/wanting it enough.
its like explaining how the water taste like, and why are you still drinking it everyday. and choosing it over coke while you're thirsty.
you need it.

let me break it down to you,

based on what i thought previously, i said it, single-and-happy statement is overrated.

1. being single and happy, after you break up. stating that on your status, tweet, putting a smiley on it. doesn't mean you truly mean it. you are in a big denial. you are covering your pain. as if you are so tough and wanting it from long time ago, as if you are so tough.

no, the more you say you are happy, the more i see, you don't. come on people, just be realistic, whats so bad being weak? you wanna cry? cry. you wanna curse bcs your relationship that you've been fighting didn't work? curse. you wanna slap the bitch who still your man, slap something else (keep it classy, girls).

i mean like, being tough, isn't about you confirm that you are single and happy, after you break up. no, its more about how willing you let him go. like, after a few weeks, are you still gonna cry in the middle of the night and missing him? like, will you still be stalking his fb and his new lover? will you be moving on? you are single, and not happy. for a while.

but dont let yourself drown in your sadness. you can be sad, but you need to step it back then. dont be too long, bcs you will miss so many opportunities that might come after you are single.

2. you are single. not breaking up, just single. and stating you are happy. well, bullshit. from we were kids, we are told, and taught that we, human, are social beings. where we need each other to communicate. and on communiction, i learn "teori kubutuhan hubungan" where it says,
Inti dari teori ini adalah asumsi bahwa fungsi komunikasi interpersonal untuk membuat, membina, dan mengubah hubungan dan bahwa hubungan pada gilirannya akan mempengaruhi sifat komunikasi interpersonal proses interaksi menciptakan struktur dalam sistem. Bagaimana orang merespon satu sama lain menentukan jenis hubungan
yang mereka miliki.
and McClelland's Theory of Needs
Affiliation Those with a high need for affiliation (nAff) need harmonious relationships with other people and need to feel accepted by other people. They tend to conform to the norms of their work group. High nAff individuals prefer work that provides significant personal interaction. They perform well in customer service and client interaction situations.
i guess it proves, we cant deny it, you know what i mean. friends is not enough, will never enough. as long there is invisible substance called love. we always longing for someone to love and being loved.

so, stop saying "i am single and very happy" i am sick of your bullshit.

thoughts #235

"single and happy" is a big denial and the most common lie i've ever heard. esp after you break up. thanks.

i announce, commercial of the month.



E. Producer : Rolaand Tan | Production House: Plush Pictures Indonesia | Producer : Era Rahman
Agency : Leo Burnett Kreasindo
Director : Rajay Singh www.thethinktank.tv
DOP : Zoƫ White

Friday 7 October 2011

thats what you got when you messed with m.

Aduh sumpah mungkin ini post plg ga pennting ya. But I'd like to share.

So, idk. I am not type of screaming-girls-bcs-see-a-living-cockroach but I disgust them so much. I have intention to kill em everytime I see one. Like, so so big intention.

Anw, last night when I slept, suddenly I felt something walking on my face. Yes, on my fckin face! Then I just panicked bcs I knew its some kind of bug (but it was too dark to see) so I just grabbed it and threw it away! It was a cocroach. Fckin cockroach. On my face! Fck! So I woke up, and thinking of killing it immadiately. But then it runaway. I missed it. So I got back to sleep and thinking, "that fckin cunt must die tomorrow. Idk how, it gotta die. Maybe turning its own body upside down."
And I fell asleep.

Then this morning, I woke up, suddenly when I randomly check the floor. There is a cockroach (idk the last night cockroach or no) lying upside down.
I was like..... :o what did I do last nightt???!
So here are some possibly scene crime that I made :

1. I killed it in my subconcious. I mean when I asleep I just go find them sunciously
2. The power of mind. Like, when I think abt it, it just "boom!" Die.
3. They (yeah perhaps there r so many of them. Making a group here) think am such a monster and know I will ruin their place and their peace until I killed one, so they decided to sacrifice one of them. Assume, already dead one.
4. The cockroach secretly loves me so much. He used to watch me everynight. Actually he's abt to kiss me(??) Or like just something like that without any intention to wake me up.but then I accidentally woke up and grab him away. He knew I wanna kill him so bad. so he decided to suicide for my own peace. He turn down his body. What a lovestory.
5. Someone has killed it for me. When I was sleeping.
6. It wasn't the real cockroach. It was alien.
7. He knew magic.
8. I am a witch.
9. I have superpower.
10. Let's assume this wholeee thing, was only a dream.

That's all folks. Reported live from my bed. G'morning and have a nice day.

thoughts - 234

There's no term such "I think too much" I guess. Well why do you set any boundaries? Then what's the limit anyway? To claim that we're thinking too much? And why so bad with thinking too much? At least its a prove our brain isn't dead.

so dont give up.

call me stuck up, but i think i quite know how universe works.

first, he makes things seems working out for us.
then suddenly, like lightning struck, so does problems.
all went wrong when everything is almost wrap.
then, this is the real challenge. where we could solve it, or we would just give it up.
if we could, then we would got something 3 times bigger than we should get.
if we give up, well, boo you. you will get nothing but regret, lessons, and another chance in any other possible way coming up. (until we screwed it up again)
then, i gotta tell you, he's not gonna give us the problem that bigger than our power. he already plan it. it;s our job just to find it out how to solve it. in other way, there's a big big thing await for us.
the harder we try, the bigger we deserve.

thats how universe roll. cmiiw

just so you know..

the only person (and thing) i open up and give all my affection to are, my silent brother and Napoleon.
not even you, my blog.
i love em so so much. they"re my persons. my number one. idk why i'd like to share it here..

no judging here..

oh gitu nam? kmu tau ga si ak luka2 tangannya, jd kya org ngobat gt, dia scary abis klo uda gigit2, trus esnya kasihnya in a bowl apa kasih gtu aja? - taken from someone's comment on her photo
no offense, but this sounds funny to me. like, why the heck with you guys these days? ngomongnya dicampur2 gitu. bilingual. yaa kalo kayak sekalimat sekalimat si gpp ya. tp ini per kata? seriously? like you forgot whats it called in bahasa? SERIOUSLY?! IN A BOWL? MANGKOK?


hahahahha no offense... i mean like, THIS IS FUNNY. not cool.

Wednesday 5 October 2011

thoughts #233

aku tak butuh tempat berhiaskan lilin temaram dan beralaskan karpet India hanya utk bertemu.
aku tak butuh kendaraan panjang terparkir di luar rumah menjemputku.
aku tak butuh kain termahal untuk membalutmu
aku cuma butuh waktumu. aku cuma ingin tahu, kalau kamu inginkanku.
bahwa kamu sungguh ingin bertemu denganku.
bukan ingin semu. bukan keninginan yang hanya datang lalu pergi bersama angin malam hari.
tapi keinginan yang selalu kau pikirkan dan kau perjuangkan.

bahwa kamu, seingin aku, untuk melihat matamu. bertemu mataku.
membiarkan mereka berbincang. dalam tatapan dan keheningan.
membiarkan mereka melepas rindu, yang hinggap dan membasahi mereka dikala gelap.
berbagi cerita, dari apa yang mereka lihat.

bahwa kamu, inginkan aku. menyatu dalam waktu.

tribute to : westlife.

malam ini, ketika ratusan (bahkan ribuan?) orang sedang berkaraoke live dengan ke empat lelaki Irlandia ini, melantunkan tembang nostalgia yang sempat kita elu-elu kan belasan tahun silam..

disini pula saya, menuliskan tulisan ini.

westlife. duh, kalo ga sempet punya posternya atau kasetnya atau punya sekumpulan lagunya di hape atau kompi, ketauan bukan anak 90an sejati.

boyband yang asalnya terdiri dari 5 orang ini, sempat menjadi favorit saya. bahkan anda?
dulu saya inget banget, saya cuma suka westlife. westlife doang titik! ga mau backstreet boy, ga mau A1, ga mau blue, apapun. cuma merekaa! karena emang dasarnya saya dulu itu buta musik, dikasih lagu mereka yang easy listening dan populer, saya langsung suka.
udah gitu personelnya ganteng lagi kan.. (GO BRYAN GO MARK)

sempet dulu ikut ekskul tari, dan ngedance pake lagu uptown girl. terus iriii banget sama temen yang hafal liriknya. padahal kan bahasa inggris :O rasanya teman saya itu jago banget waktu itu.

jadi kalo saya ikut nyanyi ya paling cuma "uptown girl... she's nananananannana " lalu fading dan akan kembali keras pas reff. hahaha

terus, bela2in beli kaset mereka yang unbreakbale di pasar. HAHA.
entah kenapa pasar.. tp sumpah, asli kok. mahal soalnya hahahaha
terus dengerin di walkman.

aduh kangen banget masa ituu.
dan sekarang ketika saya sudah (akan) menginjak kepala 2. mereka kembali datang kemari.
kalo untuk ukuran jaman sekarang, siapa ya yang suka boyband menye macem mereka. yah udah bukan jamannya lagi lah istilahnya.

tapi buktinya, tiketnya laku aja tuh.
orang-orang begitu kangen sama mereka. even lagu mereka cheesy, but we miss the old time.
nonton mereka seperti kembali menghidupka masa yang telah mati. masa ketika PR saya cuma hitungan 1 + 1. ketika kita begitu benci tidur siang, (sekarang, bisa tidur siang adalah anugrah) ketika uang jajan 500 sehari udah lebih dari cukup. ketika kita ga kenal kata galau.....
when everything was alright.

masa itu lah yang ingin kita kembalikan. yang kita bela2in kenapa mau nonton mereka. they are part of my childhood.
intinya.. kangen. :')

Sunday 2 October 2011

since you were born, crying is a sign that you're alive.

Tiap orang punya kadar tangis beda2. Maksud saya, standart dimana kapan dan bagaimana mereka akan nangis.
Ada yang disuguhi scene drama dikit aja udah mewek, ada yang kalo ditampar baru nangis, ada yang menangisi hal kecil dan bahkan ada yang terlalu gengsi untuk menangis di depan khalayak.

Saya tahu seseorang yang saya kenal kuat, acuh tak acuh, dan ceria kesehariannya.

Sampai kemarin malam dia menitikkkan air mata di depan kami.
Perkaranya mungkin bagi orang lain itu sepele. If I tell you what's the matter, you might be laugh.
Like why the hell you cry on stuff like this. You don't have to worry it.

She cried on her hopeless (that's what she thought) lovestory.

Tapi, sekali lagi, saya pisces (baca: sensitif) banget soal beginian. Kalo anda bilang itu sepele dan ga patut ditangisin. Yaa, jangan salahkan saya kalau saya bilang anda egois.
Coba lihat dari kacamatanya. Bukan anda.

Setiap orang punya batas ketegaran dan kesabarannya masing2. Dan bagi dia, mungkin masalah sepele ini sudah melampaui batas kuatnya.

Dan dia yang biasa kuat sampai bisa menangisi hal seperti ini, it simply means, it does weary her.

Jadi, selamat menangis tanpa pikir panjang. Gada ukuran seberapa besar masalah patut ditangisi. If you feel like to, cry it a river.