can you answer all of these questions without saying "i dont know"?

i dont know. ha!

why aren't you dating the person you like?

um. bcs i didnt ask them. and some of them is too coward to have a date like its spending a year in War. geez..

do you currently have feelings for anybody?

not really. only little crushes that i am trying to dismiss.

what are you thinking about right now?

tomorrow... im going to swim all day. i dont care.

when was the last time you changed in front of someone?

a week ago..?

if you could change your eye color would you?

yes. into zamrud.

are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else?

nope.

do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

no.

what is your hair like at the moment?

messy bun.

does the last person you shared a bed with mean anything to you?

yes

are you one of those people who are always cold?

im cold when i am surrounded by ppl who didnt make me comfort. and too lazy to talk. im quite talkative tho.

has anyone said they love you in the last week?

like yes. jerk. -..-

who was the last male you talked to?

is Napoleon count? :') #foreveralone

why did you last laugh?

bcs he's so funny :3

what were you doing at 10am this morning?

still sleeping. my day is usually started at 12pm.

what are you looking forward to in the next 3 months?

SEAGAMESSSSSSS PLEASE BE NICEEEEE

do you remember your dreams?

yeah sort of

have you been to a baby shower?

no i don't think so.

what is the last movie you watched and with who?

i'm going to re-watching science of sleep. on my own, as usual.

do you have your future children's names picked out?

scholastica would be nice. and a bit of astari.

do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?

no.

have you kissed anyone in '11 that actually meant anything?

um. no

were you happy when you woke up today?

not happy. i felt grumpy.

have you talked to a complete jerk today?

thankfully, no.

do you like hugs?

WHO DOESNT

have you ever cried in front of a friend?

yes.

what would you say if you found out your ex was in a relationship?

:)

is there someone on your mind that really shouldn't be there?

no.. why would i think of someone i shouldnt think..

who is the first person you would call if you REALLY needed help?

what kind of help? i usually do everything on my own.

has anyone disappointed/upset you recently?

yes. deeply.

do you think it’s bad for teenage girls to get on birth control?

no. how can it be bad?

if you took a drug test right now, would you pass?

yes.

do you like silver or gold better?

silver.

do you know anyone who smokes pot?

yes.

your best friend randomly starts hating you. what do you do?

find out why.

was last night terrible?

no

what were you doing at 12am last night?

watching modern family and laughing like stupid.

does it make you mad when people stare at you?

no.

have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with an E?

no.

what was last thing you drank?

teh tarik.

what are you doing tonight?

watch science of sleep i told you. 

where were you at 2am this morning?

my bed.

would you ever dye your hair blonde?

no but blue. or green.

is something bothering you?

no... except the thing bout napoleon keep biting me. im afraid he'll turn to sparkling vampire or something :/ is feeding your cihuahua with meat making them aggressive? :/

do you curse a lot?

yes. shit..

did you mean it the last time you said "i love you"?

yes

what is the latest you've stayed up in the past week?

4am

do you wear actual designated 'pajamas' to bed?

no.

are you comfortable in your own skin?

yes i do.

are you under the influence of anything at the moment?

sadly, no.

would you consider yourself open minded?

yes.

how many piercings do you have?

none. i hate piercings.

where were your hands last night at 11pm?

still in front of comp.

have you ever been called beautiful?

yes.

did you have a good day yesterday?

could be.

last three things you had to drink?

im in love with teh tarik.

will you be in a relationship next month?

no.

are you a jealous person?

i used to be, but not anymore.

are you one of those twilight crazy people?

no..

do you feel like you have life figured out?

not at all. i'm currently lost, to be honest.

are you happy right now?

not really but i'm ok.

do you find smoking unattractive?

no.

do you want your tongue pierced?

no.

have you done anything sneaky lately?

no

who do you like?

mm, i will find out too.

did you actually follow through with the first question?

i believe i do.

this is what i thought when night comes. only at night. i swear!

money and state of mind.

"SAYA TIDAK PERNAH MISKIN HANYA KARENA TIDAK PUNYA UANG. KEMISKINAN ADALAH KERANGKA BERPIKIR, SEMENTARA TIDAK PUNYA UANG HANYA KONDISI SEMENTARA"

i quoted that from.. my teacher's photo.

mmm, i gotta be agree with it. but i think, we're all poor indeed.
i think all we have is just a gift from universe to be given it away to others.
i mean its like, only deposit.

semua yang kita punya itu cuma titipan. kita ga punya apa-apa. kita miskin. apa yang kita punya adalah titipan semesta untuk diberikan kepoada yang lain sheingga nantinya akan menjadi sebuah keseimbangan.
apa yang kita punya sudah seharusnya kita bagi dan tidak kita simpan sendiri. karena toh itu juga pemberian dari orang lain, yang nantinya kita berikan pula ke orang lain.

contoh : uang yang berpindah tuan. satu lembar uang tidak akan tetap berada pada pemilik pertama bukan? uang itu akan terus bergulir, dari satu kantong, ke kantong lain. dari satu dompet ke dompet lain. mengisi berbagai perut. dan menjadi rejeki berratus orang. sampai akhirnya uang itu akan lecek dan tidak laku.

jadi gausah takut miskin, karena toh memang semua orang tidak punya apa2. hanya saja ada orang yang punya titipan lebih banyak yang nantinya punya tanggung jawab lebih besar untuk membagikannya. dan orang yang lebih sedikit tanggung jawab dengan titipannya.

thats what i mean. we have nothing, indeed. so what are you so proud of? those money not even yours.

thoughts #223

my first tattoo wouldnt be camera or pisces, or any symbol. it would be "ohana".

jama'ah... alhamdulilahh.

hai.

ga kok, saya ga akan ngeluh soal betapa padet-padet-ngganya kegiatan saya akhir2 ini. betapa hari saya terkuras, dan tiba2 udah ketemu malem aja. betapa saya bisa bosen browsing dan lebih milih leha-leha di kamar aja. betapa saya pengen kesana sini tapi ga bisa, betapa saya mumetnya sama otak dan hati saya. betapa saya kangen sama seseorang yang jelas-jelas ga mikirin saya.

ngga.. :)

saya cma mau, bersyukur. sama semesta. makasih ya, semesta. atas semua yang sampai detik ini masih bisa saya alami dan rasakan. secara lahir batin. makasih :)
meskipun saya ga paham dan kadang saya kecewa, saya masih tetep mau bilang makasih.
you did so much to me. peluk sungkem.

thoughts #222

dont mistaken my introverts with arrogant.

thoughts #221

You're just as loser as me. The difference is, I enjoy every second of it while you moan about it.

thoughts #220

Why coffee shops?! Why not tea shops?? What so great abt coffee? #ProTea I'm gonna hv a tea shop, smday.

thoughts #219

Oh sorry for being (too) Robin Scherbatsky.

thoughts #218

you cant just straightly ask people what do u think, why, or whats on their mind. its way too complicated to be answered.

thoughts #217

I'm just stupid cynical chinese girl who has an awful photography technic and dream and even claim herself as one. And even so, I'd still be dreaming. I can learn. Even it took the rest of my life.

thoughts #216

I wanna have a proper hello and (bitter)sweet ending too.

thoughts #215

i got it. i am too snobbish. i admit it.

thoughts #214

Semua di mulai dengan "katanya.." Kapan kata lo?

thoughts #213

We're hard 10. So you'd better be 11 to take us down.

thoughts #212

lets just be honest. start to ourselves.

thoughts #211

we're sims of the sims of the sims of the sims of universe who playing the sims.

thoughts #210

chance is floating around us. catch it if you dare.

oh oh, let me give you  a hint.
albert einstein said, if you cant explain it, you simply dont understand it well.

well, i dont understand my feelings. and thoughts, and whats happen, and whats universe delivers to me.
so i am totally insecure.
dang, i cant explain it to you.

i know.. i know whats my problem. why i cant write it all down here.
why cant i write my thoughts here, and all the feelings.

bcs lately ive been not honest to myself.
i keep denying.
i keep lying to my heart, my brain.

hmm. so, let me be honest to myself..

speaking of soulmate.

do you guys believe in soulmate?
well i dont. i dont believe in that we are all have the one who destined for us, and only us. and only them.
no i dont believe in old greek myth which saying that we actually 4 handed, 4 leg, 2 heads creature that tore apart. and we shall have the other one. no i dont.

its just silly. its ridiculous system. i believe god wont be that stupid.

imagine we only have 1 soulmate. then what about we didnt find them. what about they are far away across another continent. what about they die first before we meet them what about they pick the wrong person instead of us. what about they decide to be a bishop. what about all te posibilities that could happen?

what about.. our parents isnt soulmate to each othe? isnt it breaking our heart? knowing 2 people who raise us, isnt born for each other and have to live for the rest of their life, just bcs of us? and not be able, to find their true love.

lets move on.

it's like..

ha-ha i aint going anywhere.

WHY WATER

i need something to focus on. last time i was focusing on the wrong thing. it was you.

we all know, i lost you there.
i almost had you.
then i thought, i would never ever find somebody like you.

universe prove me wrong.
i found a new you. the exact same personality and intelligence maybe.
the same stare. habits. and characther.
but this guys, he's nicer.
but the same hard as you.

all i need is, my nerves, my passion, my craziness, my insanity to be back.
bcs last time  you went. you took it away with my heart apart.

my blog is half dead, so am i.

when i dont blog. like for along time.
it indicates one thing. well, things.

1. busy as fck
2. my brain is stuck
3. am not okay.
4. i dont know why too.
5. the worst thing i cant spill it out here.

now i am.

how (my) time and feelings works

bagaimana ya cara mendeskripsikan rasa ini.
rasa ketika saya ga pernah sepenuhnya bahagia dan speenuhnya sedih.
karena apa?

kondisikan ketika saya memeluk seseorang. rasanya begitu menyenangkan. apalagi seorang yang kita sayang. rasanya tidak ingin lepas dari pelukan itu. rasanya ingin hentikan waktu. senang.
dan kemudian rasa sedih akan menggerayangi di saat yang sama. knowing facts, that its gonna be over. it must be over. that warm hug. or kiss. or relationship. karena ga ada yang kekal. sedih.

dan ketika kita sedang sedih, saya tidak bisa sepenuhnya menyerah pada pilu. karnea saya tau, hidup itu sepetri roda yang berputar. nanti pati ada waktunya saya senang. dan mengetahui kenyataan itu membuat kesedihan saya, menajdi terang sedikit. cause.. everything's gonna be ok....

kembali lagi kan. dimensi waktu.

(maaf ya ambigu.....)

time-

waktu. itu.. sebuah ruang yang sampai sekarang ga bisa saya definisikan. tapi jelas, kita berada di dalamnya. terjebak.
time is the only reason so things didnt happen twice.

waktu itu relatif. kata siapa kita ga bisa loncat ke masa depan? bisa. cuma rentang waktunya ga bis panjang-panjang.
gimana caranya? lets say you're in somewhere where the time is 7 am. then you go to somewhere where it's 7pm on the next day already. VOILA! YOU'RE IN THE FUTUTRE.

back to the past? just go to somewhere where its still before 7am. easy right?
or you just can set up the clock. voila........ #trollface

this is what i should do.

i got nothing to say
i gotta see form the bright side
we're even.

i dont know. whether you're too naive or i am too stupid.
but the feelings, keep coming back.

i just wanna believe in you and me.

Life Isnt Fcking Easy

for some people, life just goes easy on them.
for some people, life doesnt go so well.

me. i dont know. i think, i have a little faith. that everythings just gonna be okay at the end. i know it sounds so naive. but i just keep it in my little screwed mind. my little universe. that everythings gonna be okay.

like now, everybody seems to rush each other. trying to be on top. trying to reach their dreams. me, no it doesnt mean i dont. i do.
but now, i am just observing.

i see people running, crashing, falling, uniting, flying, so chaos right here.

(kelanjutan cerita tholol saya sepanjang 2011)

jadi akhirnya tadi saya ikut uas. bangun udah belain pagi2. biar ga telat lagiii B)
uas jam 10, jam 8 udah di kampus. masih sepi.. apa emang sepi?? kayak gada tanda2 kehidupan. tny temen. takut salah jadwal lagi? (kan tho-lol be ge te) :S
dan bener kok jam 10 susulannya.

oke.. ngapain ya? tidur2an ah di sofa perpus.
sebenernya si saya tau dan sadar saya punya 1 kewajiban khusus yaitu bayar uang susulan dulu. transfer ke bank yayasan.
tapi saya pikir mungkin itu bisa dilakukan nanti sehabis ujian. karena toh LAM (Layanana Admin Mahasiswa) ga melayani transfer dari bank saya. yauda deh... (bukan marga kalo ga menunda)

disinilah asas "PROCRASTINATE NOW, PANIC LATER" berlaku.

udah jam 10, kelas udah dibuka, anak2 udah masuk, saya udah pilih tempat duduk asoy, tiba2 pengawas minta dikeluarin kwitansi transfernya. JENG JENGGGG. jantung turun ke dengkul rasanya.
sumpah saya bingung mau ngapain. mau pura2 bego ga bayar kan ga lucu. yauda saya bilang aja, alibi bahwa saya blom byr krn ga sempet ke bank, baru tau susulan tadi malem (ga boong kan)
trus pengawas ga mau tau, dia bilang suruh ngurus di LAM skg.

okeh. turun ke lt 2. sesampai di LAM, nanya gimana enaknya. ga bisa juga :(
trus gimanaaaa? masa ga susulan lagi?! ga lucu bgt! susah payah dpt izin susulan taunya gr2 gni doang batal trus ngulang?!
TIDAAAKKK!!

pokoknya yang dipikiran saya cuma satu : saya akan susulan hari ini. ga tau gimana caranya saya pasti suuslan kok. everythings gonna be ok. gumam saya dalam hati.

"okeh, klo isi lewat flazz bisa ga mbak? jadi saya ambil uang di ATM, trus isi flazz. trus bayar pke flazz!" ide saya.
"oh bisa.."

langsung ngibrit ke ATM, ambil duit cash.
ngibrit lg ke LAM.

dengan tololnya nyerahin uang cash dan kartu flazz.
si mbak bingung, "gimana ngisinya? kan mesti diisi ke flazz cardnya dlu.."
mungkin dalem hati mbaknya berkta "LO KATA GUE PAK TONO PROKPROKRPROK JADI APA HAA?"

"OIAA!!! HAHAH skip bgt saya mbak!" ketawa melas. trus gimanaaa???? tnya saya.
"yah gtau juga ya.."
"mbak ga punya paspor bca emang? "
"enggak.."

(dalam hati mikir, disnilah ujian sesngguhnya dimulai, nyari orang baik di Jakarta. yang mau minjemin paspor bca nya)

yauda, mau ga mau, saya turun ke kantin, semua orang saya tanyain pada punya paspor bca ga. jawabannya nihil.
trus ke atas lg. bingung mau nyari siapa.
turun lg, ke coffee shop, ada kumpulan senior.
tanya ga ya ke mereka? sedikit ragu.
trus tiba2 inget quote semalem : if you never ask, the answer will always be no.

oke. dengan muka setebal aspal tol cipularang, saya samperin mrk yang lagi haha-hihi
gelagapan nanya ada yg punya paspor bca bla3.

mreka agak bngung. ini anak mana seh dateng2 nny paspor bca? ga pro bgt malingnya. mungkin.
lalu saya utarakan maksud saya minjem paspor bca, dan mimik super melas bak anak anjing kelindes tronton (???)

dan akhirnya.. seorang senior yg saya kenali karena sekelas di kelas statistik, mau menijamkan paspornya.
YESYESYE!!
rasanya pgn meluk kakak itu :'3

lalu ke LAM lg..... ketemu mbak2 lg... mau tranfer.. eh rusak mesinnya. eshol.
oke turun lg.. ke ATM, HOREEE BISA. trus ambil struknya. ngasi duit cashnya ke kakak itu. blg makasih, trus ngibrit lagi ke atas lt 7.

sampe kelas.. penawas bilang mst tuker dlu ke kwitansiii.
OIAA.. yaa saya bodoh..

oke turun lg ke lt2. tuker...
naik lg ke lt 7.

akhirnyaa..... bisaaa susulaaaannnn jugaaaaaaaaaaaa ya tuhaannn :""""

tapi pas baca soal. gue ga bisa. kampret.

(the end)

well universe, i am surprised!

bener ya kata Andy Warhol, "as soon as you stop wanting it, you get it"
i mean gue beneran udah pasrah sama uas gue, dengan kataaa temen gue nama gue gada di daftar yang boleh ikut susulan uas, dan gue dah ga peduli ngecek portal lagi, gue dah mikir aja gimana gue mesti ikut SP dan gimana bilang nyokap gue dan gimana gue bakal menghabiskan sp gue cuma buat hal tolol ini.. *sigh*

and suddenly miracle happens. temen gue nanya gue dah bljr blom dan gue bilang gue ga ikut susulan dan dia kaget krn ktnya ada nama gue di jadwal susulan revisi 1 di portal dan gue kayak.. ha? masa??? tapi kan gue ga ditelpon.......

trus gue yang  kayak ga percaya dan not bothering to check it until tiba2 gue inget dan baru ngecek tadi sore... dan ternyata nama gue adaaaa! YEAYYY! i feel like dancingg i dont care i am at mcdonalds right there hahaha
trus gue mikir, untuk gue ngecek kalo ngga, gue BAKAL kelewatan jadwal susulan lagi, yang which is.. BESOK!

it will be so dumbass.

i dont know how to thank youuu G!

Adele - Rolling In The Deep (Jamie xx Shuffle)

well, let me tell you something. artist makes art. and people, will always give damn opinions about it. the opinions will always be 2 sided. positive and negative shits.

people will judge you. screw you, hurt you with all those mean comments. but in the other sides, will always there's a people who love your art. 

and its me, Jamie :*

dont bother them.